I have been married about a year & and a
Hi, and welcome.
I think you won't find very many people here that you would think you are being "insecure". In fact, his behavior looks like "red flags" to me.
Even if nothing physical ever occurred, he could still be having an emotional affair with her, which many still consider cheating. (you can google the term, or a good book about emotional affairs is "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass). Anything that takes away time and energy from the marriage, or where they are giving things to someone else that they should only be giving to you can be considered cheating. It's definitely not healthy for a marriage.
If they feel they have to hide something from you, then chances are they are doing something wrong there. Those who have nothing to hide, hide nothing. Another one we often say here- TRUST YOUR GUT. If something feels "off" to you, then it probably is.
Cheaters will twist, downplay and minimize, lie, and deny, deny, deny. They often won't admit anything until they are confronted with absolute concrete proof, and even then they usually don't tell you the whole story at first. The truth generally comes out in dribs and drabs, a little bit at a time.
I definitely agree that there need to be boundaries. We have to have clear boundaries as to what we will or will not tolerate in our marriages or in our LIVES, and our partner does need to respect those boundaries. If they don't, and they step over them, there generally have to be consequences for them that we will follow through with. Otherwise, what is the motivation for them to not do it again?
I think the main question is, is this something that you want in your life, or can even tolerate in your life? The answer to that is what will likely point the way for you on what you want to do next.
I'm so sorry for what you're going through, and hope you will keep posting. There is a lot of help and support available here, from people who know how you're feeling.
Well as mentioned I basically know
I have tried to explain just what you are telling me to him about the different forms of cheating in a nutshell being based on what your SO is uncomfortable with but of course he tries to justify every thing he does, and has done.
Well, people who have nothing to hide hide nothing.
My H sounds so much like yours.