How to stop my husband's affair?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010
How to stop my husband's affair?
9
Fri, 10-22-2010 - 7:55pm
I found out my Husband has been seeing another women because of the phone calls and text messages he was sending to her. I confronted him and of course he denied it saying that they are just working together, because he's a salesman and she recommends a lot of clients to him and he recommends her with people also. We just had a baby and he treats me very good at home and now he is taking care of our son. Overall he is a good man and he spends most of his time at home but I am very hurt with what he is doing. He told me he will not leave his family for anybody, but I know they are still in contact and I do not know what to do to stop whatever is going on with them. I have thought to call her because I know he knows that he is married because I recorded a few conversations between them. I do not want to show my H the recording I have. Please comment on what should I do.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2005
Fri, 10-22-2010 - 8:16pm

You can't stop his Affair (if he indeed is having one) and if your gut is telling you he is...then you are probably right.

He has to stop his affair. However, you can do things to help yourself. Knowledge is "power" - so educate yourself on affairs. There are emotional affairs and physical ones.

There are many ups/downs throughout the process of dealing with affairs.

 

Greatly Missed, Never Ever Forgotten

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2008
Sat, 10-23-2010 - 7:26pm

HI, I am a LONG time poster/lurker on this board and from all I have read over three years, no one can stop the affair except the two cheaters that are in it.

I have seen over and over cases where the cheating spouse makes promise after promise that the affair is over but time after time the betrayed one finds further contact betweens the APs (this happened to me TWICE). Also, if you take a look at the MAS board you will find that these OW keep saying they need to end the A, try to end the affair, but keep coming back for more.

So I guess what I am saying will not help but it seems these cheaters get very addicted to the thrills and escape that the affair provides and cant stay off the "drug" for long.

Of course there are some cheaters that really are ready to end the addiction and will do it but only if and when they are truly ready. Then there are some that only end the affair if there is a serious wake up call from the spouse (divorce papers!)

What you do need to decide is what your plan is if he finally does come clean? Will you ask for a separation? I also think it is a good idea to be involved in the breakup of the affair if he says he will end it. I left the breakup up to H and he caved in (found that out later) when OW fell apart.

I agree with you not to share that you have the recordings yet.

You will get more reponses here after the weekend, but for now just keep hanging on and there is always someone here to "listen".

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2010
Sun, 10-24-2010 - 5:43pm

I also wanted details Makinithru, my H wouldn't give anymore than what I had concrete proof of.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010
Mon, 10-25-2010 - 7:31pm
Thank you makinitthru for your support, I have faith that God will guide in the right direction in this situation. I want the best for me and my son. Something else that bothers me is a comment that he made to his sister, he said that when he married me he was not inloved but that he had made a good choice with a good woman to have his children. I think that I am not really his type of woman but we do have chemistry and we get alone most of the time. What do you think of the comment?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2005
Sun, 10-31-2010 - 5:55pm

I read this long "article" about "HOW TO RECOGNIZE YOUR KING"...and it stated some very interesting things...it was written by a pastor as a matter of fact.

It stated that men look for a "wife" after they have gotten married and women fall in love BEFORE they are

 

Greatly Missed, Never Ever Forgotten

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010
Tue, 11-02-2010 - 7:47pm
Dear Maki,
Thank you so much for your encoraging words. I have faith that God will guide my life and my marriage to what he thinks its best. Right now my relationship is back to normal after I confronted my H, I have not noticed anything weird. I hope he had ended his "affair".
God bless you!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2002
Thu, 11-18-2010 - 12:00am

If the texting is continuing then a little call to the "other girl" is in order.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2010
Thu, 11-18-2010 - 4:38am

basically you cant stop him.....you can try but he will find away...also watch recording devices....they maybe illegal in some states.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2010
Sun, 11-28-2010 - 1:03pm

The greatest thing you can do to stop his A is to expose the A to everyone you know. If it is a co-worker let all of their co-workers know, his family, hers and anyone else. Sing like a bird. The greatest part that keeps an A going is the secrecy but once it is brought out in the open it kills all of the fantasy and fog of the affair partners.