Hubby continues his emotional affair...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2010
Hubby continues his emotional affair...
Mon, 02-22-2010 - 3:16pm

Hello all,

I am looking for words of wisdom, support or something... Here's the back story...

Hubby and I have been together for almost 16 years.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2009
Mon, 02-22-2010 - 8:57pm


Sorry you have to deal with this..I am married to a man having two emotional affairs..I have no idea what my H is saying or not saying..Only that he texts his ex fiance an a friend of mine every day anywhere from 20 to 80 times..He says they are just catching up..right..And dont worry i get the same song and dance as you "cant I have friends" or your "over jealous"

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2007
Mon, 02-22-2010 - 9:28pm

Girls you have to take charge of the situation and let him know what you expect of him and what the marriage boundaries are.

This is the wake up call letter.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2009
Mon, 02-22-2010 - 9:46pm

i had been married for 27 years when i discovered via breaking into his email what was going on. i.e. an affair with a woman for over 3 years. also profiles and hood ups on adultfriendfinder.

now what i am going to say i will admit is not what i did. so, i know what i am talking about. he does not believe you are serious. he thinks he will be able to do whatever he wants to. well time for a real 411 moment for him.

i would forward the emails to the other womans husband first of all. i would not tell your husband before hand. just do it.

I would then have a sit down moment with him and lay it all out there. then simply put the ball in his court. lay it out there this what i know - and this is what i want. do not cry, do not become angry. just be matter of fact. let him know you are looking to seek legal counsel. let him know you are going into therapy for you, not for your marriage but for you.

i would put a key logger onto his computer. as ronald raegan once said "trust but verify".

your husband continues to do the same, because you allow it. there are no consequences for him. yes, you raise hell for awhile but then you go back and he starts up again knowing you are alot of talk but no action. NO DISRESPECT MEANT WITH THAT STATEMENT.

this is just my personal opinion, but if he tries to pull the old 'sex addiction' crap. remind him he has free will, and if he can not control himself then that in itself says it all. so MANY of them will try and put it on addiction, looking for that 'get out of jail free card'

look up the 180* list on this board, print it, live by it.

i would like to challenge you on something - ask yourself 'are you in love with him or the man you want him to be?' there is a big difference. think about it.

do you want to continue to live the rest of your life checking up on him. never being able to live a love filled life? i think not. i am thinking you are a special person who deserves the best life has to offer. would that be living?

you deserve to be loved, but it begins by loving yourself first. putting yourself first. then and only then can you go on to live a life based on happiness.

i have now been married for almost 32 years, that is a long time to live with a serial cheater. i am you if you are not careful. take if from me, MY LIFE IS NOT LIVING, you deserve better

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2009
Tue, 02-23-2010 - 8:07am
Where do you get a key-logger?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 02-23-2010 - 8:44am
You don't ask your H anything, you TELL him what it will take to keep you in this marriage.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2010
Tue, 02-23-2010 - 8:44pm
HA! I can help with that. My WH put one on MY computer!! Figure that one out!! It was called Award Keylogger and it was free off the internet.