Hugs and kisses

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2008
Hugs and kisses
8
Sat, 03-14-2009 - 2:50pm
My H and I been married for 8 months. We have a one year old son in common. After I had our son, I started asking him for more hugs and kisses that I felt like I wasn't getting enough affection from him. DH blew it off stating that " hugs+kisses don't pay the bills". After asking this of him for over a year i started to have thoughts and dreams about my first love. the dreams were non sexual, they mainly consisted of things like him pushing me on the swings when I was about14 yrs.all of the thoughts were innocent but I just wanted to get him out of my head. So I contacted him via Myspace and asked for his number because I didn't want to pop up over there. Instead of going to his house I called and told him that I would always love him but I was married and have moved on in my life. The thoughts and dreams stopped then. But the problem is that DH found the email and feels as though I betrayed him. I understand how he feels and I would probably feel the same. But I would try to understand where my spouse is coming from and he don't. Should I just give up and let him have the divorce like he's been saying since he found it or should I try to work on my marriage
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 03-14-2009 - 3:09pm
I think you are on the wrong board.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Sun, 03-15-2009 - 12:16am
There's a world of difference between having thoughts about someone....and acting on them.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Sun, 03-15-2009 - 1:48am
I think it's unusual that he wants a divorce over this. I mean all you did was send the guy an e-mail to get his no. to call him and make one call to him to tell him you have married and moved on right? I could see your H being really mad if you have been talking to this guy repeatedly and he found a long history of e-mails between you 2. I would say his coldness with his feelings towards you, which started long before he saw the e-mail, is the real problem here and that he's not been happy way before that.I think he is using the e-mail as justification for the divorce cause he's not happy being married and is looking for an out.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2008
Sun, 03-15-2009 - 9:48am
really I only thought that was the only way to get the ex out of my head. I had no attentions of anything but what I told him even if I had went to see him it wouldn't have been anything its nothing more or nothing less. Thanks for your opinion which I sort of believe.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Sun, 03-15-2009 - 6:50pm

I actually think your DH's behavior is more "wrong" than

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2008
Mon, 03-16-2009 - 8:02am
DH now says that he feel that after 4 years of being together I should of never had the thoughts. I agree, but I would have never had them if he would have only gave me what I was asking for. And he asked me yesterday if I still thought it was a good idea to get married. So its apparent that he doesn't want to be with me. And for the last few days he's just been walking around " I can't Do It" and at this point Im starting to feel the same way as though if me asking for hugs+kisses was should have been no problem to reciprocate if he loved me. He doesn't see it that way just as long as he provides for the family then I should be happy. But he can't buy my love. At this point, I don't even know.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 03-16-2009 - 9:29am
You are making excuses for your
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Mon, 03-16-2009 - 4:23pm
I've heard it said that men often see "love" differently than women, their definition might include "being a good provider".