Hurting bad:(

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2013
Hurting bad:(
4
Sun, 10-20-2013 - 8:23am

So I just need somew here to share my story. On October 4th I discovered text messages my husband was sending to another woman. Calling her hunny saying "he loved talking to her" "it's just nice to have someone to talk to". He went to work quickly ( I had found it rite when he was on his way out the door). We have a 1 and 2 year old boy and girl. Pretty much ive been pregnant or breastfeeding. Also suffering ppd since the first was born. We've only been married for 5 years. In that time we've moved 4x had the babies. Needless to say not much time for ourselves and looking back I've been awful since the babies. He has been working 60 hours a week I work 30 a week. Hehasbeen going out a lot after work keeping his phone from me. A lot of red flags. inasked a babysitter to come so when he got home from work we went somewhere to talk he tells me it's a girl from high school. They have just been textong nothing else. I didn't believe him so I did investigating. Come to find out its a girl from work. They had been talking/hanging out since July. Found out a few times while I worked 3rd shift she came over. October 2nd she had spent the night at my house(in the basement). confronted him once I had all the info. He admitted to all of it. he tells me it started in July as just a friendship by September they were romantic (kissed a few times) yea rite..... Then on the 2nd she came over they had sex.  he says that on the 3rd he called her and ended it. I was able to see she text/called,a few times he didn't call back. he says he is sorry loves me bla bla bla. I just can't get these feelings of pain/hate/ anger out of me. I'm on a roller coaster of emotions all day. i decided to try to work on our relationship. Feel like maybe I can forgive him but I'm just so hurt. Problem is they still work together. She said she is quitting but still hasn't.  he has been giving me his phone at night. Coming home rite after work being attentive and supportive about giving me space when I need it.  I never as this coming although looking back why not? Our marriage has been non existant form2 years. Finally starting to feel better after counseling now starting from scratch again. Hopeful for us just feels to soon yet. :( I'm just broken from this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2013
Sun, 10-20-2013 - 8:26am

Darn I phone is why I have so many spelling mistakes:/whoops

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2013
Wed, 11-13-2013 - 4:44pm

my situation is very similar. Just found out two days ago my husband has been having an emotional affair with a woman that I know very well.  She was introduced to me as the girlfriend of a mutual friend.  I have welcomed her to my home, we have shared dinners and has even stayed the night.  Now I find out she has slept with my husband.  He claims only once, but i don't believe him.  Based on the text messages I have seen seem like there was an emotional connection between them.   To make it worst, we have been married less than a year.  We have not even begun to built our lives.  This is my second marriage so I am inclined to try to make it work.  But I just can't get pass the hurt  the lies and betrial. Specially because, like you, I saw the signs.  We talked about them and he denied anything was going on.  I warned him many times.  He could have spared me all this pain. how were you able to start moving on?   I can't stand him right now.  I have been in tears for 3 days.....I am exhausted

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
Tue, 12-10-2013 - 6:17pm

I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I know its hard but my advice is RUN, RUN, RUN! Only married a year and he's already cheated? Get out before it gets worse. You warned him but are still there, which tells him he can do what he wants. People learn to treat us by what we allow. I wish you the absolute best.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
Sun, 01-12-2014 - 1:55am

I'm so sorry for what you're going through. Bottomline is that moving 4x, having 2 babies, working a lot and having PPD does NOT give him an excuse to have an affair....PERIOD.  I'm glad you're in counseling and hope he is, too. If she won't leave the job, then he has to.....THIS IS A MUST! They can have NO contact of any kind. Believe me, its too easy for it to start back up. Exact same thing happened with my now EXH. Another word of caution: my X also made his phone available to me, left it out where anyone could see it at any time....He was slick.  The only reason  he did it was to throw me off because he'd gotten a prepaid phone that he used to talk to his AP. He thought he was so smart; he even put the number of his prepaid phone in the phonebook on his regular phone under the name of a guy he worked with that was also H's name.

Hope things are working out for you. But remember to be very careful. When cheaters get caught they oftentimes just get sneakier.