Husband looking for sex on craigslist

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2012
Husband looking for sex on craigslist
4
Thu, 03-15-2012 - 3:06am

About one month ago I was using my husband computer and out of curiosity I was looking at his email. My husband is not very computer savvy so he has never realized he had to delete his sent box to get rid of mail he sends. I looked in his sent box and found 4 replies he sent to Craigslist ads for people looking for a man for their mmw threesome. I wanted to die when I saw this. We have been married for 19 years. I never thought he could do something like that to me. After confronting him on this and snooping more into is computer use, I found he had actually posted 1 add looking for a couple to try a threesome with and 2 ads looking for a woman for some fun. In one of them describing what he wanted to do. My husband swears he just did this out of curiosity and he had never even got a response from any. He swears he has never cheated on my during our marriage, but he has fantasies he knows I will never give into. He is correct, I would never have a threesome, I think it would tear us apart out of jealousy. Part of me believes him because if there was a response, it would be still on his computer because it looks like every sent email since the day he got the computer is still there.

We are going to marriage counseling and trying to make this work. My husband works Mon - Thur out of town. I worry what other things he might have done working out of town that I cannot find on his computer.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2000
Thu, 03-15-2012 - 8:32am
Its good you are going for marriage counseling, because that is a sign something is not right about yoru marriage. I found profiles online that my husband had or found where he had done searches for women on dating profiles. It broke my heart, he said he was just curious and looking at the pictures. Which hurt. This has been multiple times over 7-8 yrs. Well then in August I found out he had a yr long affair with my best friend. He says I quit flirting with him. Maybe if I had made him go to counseling after finding the profiles and searches we woudl have fixed what was wrong before he hooked up with my best friend, which was devastating. We are doing marriage counseling now and trying to make it work but it is hard and not easy.
You have to decide whether you want to try to work it out. Its not easy to get over, but even harder once it does go physical. I struggle daily trying to trust him and fighting back the pain and hurt and trying to believe him and believe he loves me. Thats the most difficult part for me, wondering if he really loves me or is just using me. Because I could never do the things he did to someone I love. Hurt them the way he hurt me.
I am a very forgiving person and we have two kids, so I am trying to make our marriage work. Trying to forgive him and trying to work on trusting him again, which I know and he knows will take years if I ever fully trust him again. Its definitely not easy though, but I know there are many that have overcome things, and come out with stronger marriages because of it. But that never justifies cheating. Ok, I am going to stop rambling. But if u do decide to try to make your marriage work, you are starting on the right track by going to marriage counseling and figuring out what caused him to start looking in the first place.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Thu, 03-15-2012 - 2:34pm
One things for sure is now that you have found this stuff, is that you will never really know if or what he's done when he's been gone. My H accidentally left his work e mail open on our home computer one day and something just told me to look at it. I didn't find ads on craiglist, but I did find that when he went out of town (back to where we used to live a thousand miles away) to attend a friends funeral, that he had tried to hook up with a single woman he used to work with that had came on to him when he worked with her. Also that he was trying to hook up with our next door neighbor. Had I not seen the responses to him from these women, I would never have believed that he didn't hook up with them. I believe the old saying " where there's smoke there's fire" But after I saw what I saw, to this day I will always wonder what else there is that I don't know about as he has had to travel off and on for work. He has made a huge turn around and does seem much more committed to me since I found all this out 4 years ago, but still to this day even though I've gotten over the paranoia I used to have about this, there is that element of mistrust that lingers in the air everytime he goes off on a business trip. So to some extent I think I will always feel that this never completely goes away, and although I will never give him that blind trust again, I'd say I trust him about 90% now. Only you can decide whether you want to continue in your marrige. If the kids are grown and you can support yourself you will have the leverage you need if you do decide to leave.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Fri, 03-16-2012 - 7:08am

(((sh12572)))

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Sun, 03-18-2012 - 1:19am

Oh, I imagine it is harder when they are out of town a lot.