Husband stayed on business trip / missed my emergency surgery

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2012
Husband stayed on business trip / missed my emergency surgery
4
Sun, 02-26-2012 - 10:59am
Last week I was suffering from some extreme abdominal pain and a high fever. Went to the doctor, and was told I would need emergency surgery ASAP. My husband was out of town on business (3 hours away) for a work convention. He could have easily left, and did not even tell his bosses until the next day what was going on. Any company would let an employee leave under those circumstances. I was shocked when I called him, obviously freaking out, and he informed me that he could not come home until the next evening. My mother lives 5 hours away, and we just got married less than a year ago, so she was not even with me before the surgery started. I didn't have time and I didn't feel like fighting with him over this before I went in. Surgery didn't go so well, and I had some serious complications and had to stay in the hospital longer than expected. He came home and thinks there is nothing unusual about him completely missing my surgery. My parents are upset, my friends think this is horrible, I am really upset, and he believes he did nothing wrong. If he had come home when I called, he would have been there for me when I got out, and started having complications. I think this makes him look really insensitive to his coworkers, since he didn't come home for his wife's emergency surgery! We got married less than a year ago. He is incredibly sensitive and caring in most situations and this has totally shocked the hell out of me. I'm worried that if we have kids, and as I get older, I will not be able to depend on him. Am I the crazy person, or is this unacceptable on his part!? I am very very hurt and feel totally abandoned by him. I would have been there in a second if the tables were turned.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008

(((sydanne)))

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2011
Sydanne.....((hugs)). How are you doing now? I hope you are better. Thus very same thing happened in my marriage in the early years. Like you,my parents were very upset that no one was at tne hospital with me. There should always be a family member there. As my marriage went on...20 years now, there were 4 more events like this. He never got the message. Even thought each event was different, the result was the same...he wasn't there for me when it mattered. Fast forward to 2 years ago and our marriage exploded. I had an affair, we both made awful mistakes. After much MC we have found out that those very first "events" in our marriage mattered VERY much. Please deal with this now. Your husband needs to understand in sickness and in health. He probably won't listen to you, so I really suggest getting some outside help. If he won't go, I would go yourself. These are tough things to get over and forgive. Best wishes. Daisy
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008

I think it really was very insensitive that you found out you were not #1 in a health emergency.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008

I think this makes him look really insensitive to his coworkers, since he didn't come home for his wife's emergency surgery!

Don't try to second guess what his coworkers think.