husband was sexting an ex

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
husband was sexting an ex
Thu, 07-15-2010 - 3:26pm

my husband was sexting an ex of his .. offering to find ways to meet for an affair. we have been together almost three years but married less than a year and have a six week old. this was not the first time that he did this.. I don't know if counseling can help this behavior or not as i tried to explain to him that it was still cheating. the woman didn't encourage or even really respond to him he was seeking sex outside our marriage. note i only did not have sex with him for three weeks after the baby.
our trust is gone and the worst thing is the last time he sought that encounter was minutes after he told me he loves me.i am not sure how to begin to rebuild our relationship. i am just lost right now, really hurt and he doesn't seem to get exactly why. he seemed more sorry he was caught than the fact he did it.he is generally a good partner he is kind never uses any harsh words etc help with our daughter... he did voluntarily delete any social networking accounts he had and has offered to get just a plan cell phone instead of his smart phone... i am just lost right now. he tells me he loves me and i just shake my head i know if he did he would have never tried to cheat

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Thu, 07-15-2010 - 11:07pm

Men go thru serious stress when a new baby arrives. This is about your H though and NOT b/c you didn't have sex with him after your child was born! For goodness sakes! You aren't SUPPOSED to have sex for 6 weeks postpartum!!!

They feel displaced and fragile and can't be reassured by sex w/you right now.

It is a sad state of affairs and very immature I might add for them to choose such a delicate time to have an A.

Your H however, sounds a bit more neurotic than most though, texting someone who isn't even tempting him? Is he addicted to sex?

I am just really sorry you are going thru this. It doesn't matter how nice he is to you 'normally' b/c he is acting like an ASS right now!

What do you want and need right now? Keep breathing in and out and don't feel compelled to rush to a decision about your future with him. He may need to grow up, but that doesn't mean you have to wait for him and allow him to hurt you in the process.

How did he treat you before baby? Does he have problems with honesty? Integrity? Commitment? You mention he did this before - that is worrisome!

How he was prior to this Sexting means alot about what your road looks like ahead. If he has loads of baggage, I am sorry, but you are in for a bumpy ride if you decide to try to work on things w/him. You may need to consider/reconsider if you would be better off w/o him.

But again, don't pressure yourself to decide ANYTHING!

Just keep breathing in and out and take good care of that sweet baby and baby's Momma!