I am going insane

Hi Everyone... I've been to different boards, but finally picked up the strength to go on this one. I feel as if my Husband has cheated. I say "feel" because i don't really know. I am jealous, but I have never let jealousy overcome me. Two recent incidents occurred a couple of months ago. First, he was going to sneak to see an old friend, whom he had slept with, but still speaks to. I ACTUALLY WOULD OF BEEN OK WITH IT, IF HE ASKED.... jealous, but ok. I had so much trust in him. However, when I found out he was trying to sneak. My trust bubble popped! Gone! poof! disappeared. I don't trust him. So then I began to snooooop, and found this "If me and you made love, would you f**k me without a condom"... I kicked him out for 3 days. He told me people used his phone at work, and that it wasn't him. My only excuse for taking him back was that... he would never write "made love" to me or anyone. Yes...stupid... I KNOW... writing this makes me feel even dumber... My husband is a cop. He works the graveyard shift. He always comes home on time... unless he arrested someone. I guess I'm here to vent. I want to be myself again. I'm not confident at all anymore. I feel like a loser. Our sex life before this was awesome. I'm talking about once a day... even after we had our baby. Somehow now... the thought that I'm not his one and only... the best thing in his life... makes be sad and disgusted of having sex with him.... any advice...anything. PS I do not want a divorce.