I am going insane

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2010
I am going insane
11
Fri, 08-06-2010 - 12:35am
Hi Everyone... I've been to different boards, but finally picked up the strength to go on this one. I feel as if my Husband has cheated. I say "feel" because i don't really know. I am jealous, but I have never let jealousy overcome me. Two recent incidents occurred a couple of months ago. First, he was going to sneak to see an old friend, whom he had slept with, but still speaks to. I ACTUALLY WOULD OF BEEN OK WITH IT, IF HE ASKED.... jealous, but ok. I had so much trust in him. However, when I found out he was trying to sneak. My trust bubble popped! Gone! poof! disappeared. I don't trust him. So then I began to snooooop, and found this "If me and you made love, would you f**k me without a condom"... I kicked him out for 3 days. He told me people used his phone at work, and that it wasn't him. My only excuse for taking him back was that... he would never write "made love" to me or anyone. Yes...stupid... I KNOW... writing this makes me feel even dumber... My husband is a cop. He works the graveyard shift. He always comes home on time... unless he arrested someone. I guess I'm here to vent. I want to be myself again. I'm not confident at all anymore. I feel like a loser. Our sex life before this was awesome. I'm talking about once a day... even after we had our baby. Somehow now... the thought that I'm not his one and only... the best thing in his life... makes be sad and disgusted of having sex with him.... any advice...anything. PS I do not want a divorce.
Eleni
Eleni

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Fri, 08-20-2010 - 12:00am
Yeah but what other hobby is so ego boosting and fun than to get all this attention and validation from other people. Heck, I know a woman that sends her kids off to school, and then goes on facebook all afternoon and flirts with all her "men friends" while her H is at work. I really think that some people are just attention junkies and will never be happy with just getting attention from their spouse.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2009
Thu, 08-19-2010 - 11:52am

sad..cause the solution is soooooooooooooooo easy..If you cant handle yourself on fb...Well, than get off !!!!!!!!! Find another hobby!!!


But I guess the truth is that FB sometimes allows us another window with which to view our spouse and sometimes it isnt a pretty picture waiting for us!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Thu, 08-19-2010 - 11:34am
Seems like a lot of these men just aren't happy unless their getting all this attention from other women. Always got to get that validation and keep that big male ego fed I guess. Funny cause I just heard a story on the news last nite where a divorce lawyer was talking about how facebook is causing a lot of divorces, and giving her a lot of business.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2009
Thu, 08-19-2010 - 9:29am

Hi..


Thank Peaceyme....I can see his facebook post to these two girls I wont call them woman cause they dont deserve it...


The problem is every time I see a post from him to them it is like pouring gasoline on a fire...Putting salt in a festering wound..I am sure you understand and get the picture...Too bad he doesnt see it or if he does he doesnt care..


I just read the most unbelievable post he wrote to another girl...Not worried about that girl, but it is disgusting that he thinks that this is what he should be writing...I

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Wed, 08-18-2010 - 7:23pm
Yep, never doubt your gut instinct when it kicks in. Also, when your H starts telling you that you are either too jealous, over sensitive, insecure, paranoid, imagining things, it's nothing, or the classic "we are just friends", don't believe it, cause he is just saying these things to turn the situation around on you (the crazy one) and cover his own cheating arse. I know what you mean about not being the same person. It chances your life and you do become a different person. Just wonder if they will ever have any idea what this does to you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Wed, 08-18-2010 - 4:40pm
I would insist that he remove them, because to me them being on his FB is just a way for him to keep talking to them when he should be going NC with these women. Can you see his FB or does he keep it private from you? If he does I would worry about that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2009
Wed, 08-18-2010 - 3:18pm

Hi again..


My husband tried to characterize me as overjealous etc...I did not and do not accept that...I am not a jealous person but when my suppose engages in acts that I consider disloyal than yes I do get upset..Jealousy is being upset over nothing, but when You have a reason to be upset it is not being jealous it is using common sense..


I think alot of these men who are betraying their wives try to put the blame on the wife..It is easier to call the wife jealous than to admit that in reality they are doing something wrong and the wife has every reason to be angry...Really hard for these guys and I guess anyone to take a hard look at yourself especially when you are doing things wrong.


What really got to my husband I think was one conversation i had with him.. I said to him the following- If our daughter came to you and said "Daddy my husband is texting 2 woman 20 to a 100 times every day and he has erased every text. He says it is innocent what do you think?"


My H was stumped..because there is no way he would tell our daughter dont worry about it sweety I am sure it is innocent, no he would want to kill the guy. Now my daughter is only 14 but when I put it in these terms I think it got to him..He could than not so easily justify the behavior...


Things are ok...We occasionally still have fights over it, mostly cause I am still mad and I will bring it up and lash out at him....Since he has stopped the texting that has helped alot..Cause I think if he had continued on that road I would have left, I couldnt live with the continued disrespect...and I am glad it stopped cause I do love him very much....


It still hurts and angers me that these girls are on his fb..Yes I had a calm conversation with him about removing the girls and I think if I push it again he will..

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2010
Wed, 08-18-2010 - 3:14pm

I don't buy the whole cell phone thing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2009
Tue, 08-17-2010 - 8:59pm

Its 2 years since i found out about my h's affair. Prior to that for nearly a year i had a "weird" feeling whenever he would be talking to our friend. This OW was the wife of our friend. I did tell my husband , and he would say that i am just being jealous-- there is nothing. WELL -- NOTHING

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2010
Sat, 08-07-2010 - 12:36am

You get me!!!! I wanted to cry, when I saw your post. I don't really have friends. My closest friends are single, and partying still. To them... I should immediately divorce.


I know I should trust my gut. I want to, and I am. However, the curiosity is killing me. I totally get you!!! He should delete her from FB... I told my h the same. His response was... "It isn't her fault".. I know it isn't!!! its yours... grrr. Sometimes I get so angry...I just want to scream!!! What bothers me the most is that he doesn't know why I'm soooo upset. In his opinion, it wasn't a big deal.


Eleni

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