I can't get past it....
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|Tue, 06-02-2009 - 7:55pm|
It has been 3 years since DDay. My husband had a thing with an 18 year old girl. Exactly what the "thing" was , I don't know. I found a text about how she wants to be with him all the time, and his phone records showed he called her at least 2x a day.
He claims he "did not cheat", but I feel differently.
My problem is the usual problem, I just can not get past the hurt, the anger and the betrayal. He is genuinely sorry. He has showed me that. He has been so good, not that he wasn't before. We had a great relationship before this, I am not in denial, we really did. We had a great sex life, fun together, and we truly oved each other. He would tell me everyday that I am beautiful and he loves me. He was always so affectionate, and loving.
I just can't and never will understand why he did what he did. It eats at me every single day for 3 years!
At this point in our lives, he really has tried to show me how faithful he is. He tries so hard to make me happy, but I am not. I want to hug him, I want to be affectionate, but I can't. Everytime i touch him I feel he doesn't deserve it. When we have sex, it's great because it is just that to me...sex. I feel like I am numb. I know he loves me and wants to make this work, but I cannot break through all these other feelings tofind how I feel about him now. I miss so much how we used to be. It can never be the same, he broke us and it makes me so very sad. I have turned into this numb, just want to laugh and have fun kind of person, which to me is just fine, but he missed his wife. His loving wife. I am no longer that and try to be, but I can't.
How the hell and I gonna work this out. I have thought of counseling, and have not ruled it out, but we have no problem communicating. Everything I have just written, I have told to him. He knows how I feel and what this has done to me. And I know he is truly sorry and probably won't do it again. I just want to feel like I love him again.