I can't seem to move forward

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2009
I can't seem to move forward
Thu, 05-07-2009 - 10:18am
Avatar for pater_familia
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2008
Thu, 05-07-2009 - 2:42pm

Just a few thoughts. He’s been in a very strange and unnatural environment, Lots of testosterone and very little nurturing. I worked for the UN during the first gulf war. It takes a while to decompress after being there.

The only thing you “really” can do is take care of you. Work on you becoming a whole person. Work out, work on your education, take care of yourself physically and emotionally. Tell him he’s welcome to come along, but there are the rules. Fidelity, attention, shared responsibilities at home and accountability for his actions. And what ever else really matters to you.

Write it down so he can carry it with him. Tell him this is what you are working on and he’s welcome to join you or you will find someone else who will. Don’t be mean about it. Tell him he is your fist pick and he’s welcome to come along, It is his choice.

Then back it with action. Men get action. I know I didn’t get it until she was ready to act. Then I got it. Woof, did I get it!!!

As far as getting over it goes. Once you learn to take care of yourself, and he sees that you are moving on without him. He will either do the work or he won’t. When my spouse did the work, It really helped me get over it.

Rebuilding isn’t about going back to the way things were. It is about fixing what was wrong and finding a way to have a real marriage. Don’t go back to just getting along. That’s an environment rich for future affairs.

Sweetie, you should be talking to a therapist also. Ok


5 kids ages 15-9, D Day: August 5, 2008

Status: Figuring it out. Together.


We have five kids. Our D-Day was in August, 2008.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Thu, 05-07-2009 - 3:46pm

Join the crowd, this is something talked about here constantly.


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2009
Sat, 05-09-2009 - 9:38am
He has to want to make YOU the focal point of his life. Try watching the movie Fireproof