I don't know what to do

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2012
I don't know what to do
Sun, 12-30-2012 - 4:30pm

This summer I found out my husband was cheating on me with his cousins friend whom sbe set him up with I felt something was odd but had no proof found out by a text message confronted him of course he lied and his cousin and others tried to cover his ass for him finally the other woman told m everything  one incident really got to me one night we were all hanging out at his cousins house and we stayed the night while I was asleep with our daughter my hubby picked up the girl and they all went to Walmart he told her that I showed up beimy drama so she couldn't go up to his cousins house her friend then took off to go have sex with her when I woke up in the mornbeg he was gone and lied about it so everyone knew about this he told her that we were separated and that I was drama bipolar and would be crazy if I found out finally he came clean and stopped seeing her I have filed for divorce and he is not allowed to speak to his cousin anymore she didnt understand because she feels she didn't do any wrong this was back in August the girl told me they were only together twice it was just sex that didnt make me feel better my hubby was un happy in our marriage he said he cheated because I cheated which was t true wasnt I thought we were happy we had his daughter here for the summer and were spending lots of time together and having plenty of sex then he tells me I pushed him away WTF he doesn't work I do I pay all the bills cook clean wash clothes I dont understand why he did this we have seen our Pastor and are getting help the divorce is still in process I am at the point where I am on the fence I jus cant get over it I love him and want to make it work but I don't feel I can get over this we are not living together we have a 3 yr old daughter together I get so sick just thinking about him being with another woman he was also going out so who knows if she was the only one I had an std screen recently all clean how damn embarrassing any advice would be good I am really at a cross roads here I am thinking of maybe letting the divorce go thru and break it off 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Fri, 01-11-2013 - 1:29am

The question is what's he doing to fix what he broke?  Doesn't sound like much.  If he wants your marriage, he should basically be kissing your tush and permanently ending any and all contact with the OW, no matter WHO she is in your lives.  She can't be in your life anymore, it will haunt you if she is.  If you're stupid because you saw it coming, join the crowd.  Lots of us knew "something" was going on but didn't realize it was another woman - yet.  They can be quite good at hiding this crap from us, thinking we will never find out - so no harm done in their minds, right?  Until/unless he gets help so he is not inclined to hurt you like this again, you will continue to be convinced it's just a matter of time until you are crying your eyes out again.  This is his to fix - it sounds like he's just ignoring it????  You can't, he can't - it has to be dealt with, that is if you even want the marriage now.  He can change, mine did. 


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2012
Sun, 12-30-2012 - 11:37pm
Thank you I know I feel so stupid I saw this coming the OW met both of us at a BBQ and I saw them being too friendly I didn't want to say anything because I didn't want to seem crazy then when he wanted to offer her a ride home I was like wtf he didn't give her a ride as soon as my step daughter left he started going out and not coming home I had enough I kicked him out then found out about the ow he had spun so many lies with his family people were making threats to that girl telling her to call me and tell me she made up the whole thing granted she deserved it for sleeping with my husband he told me she knew but she said he told her we were separated which I believe he told her things about me it was more than just sex they talked all the time and be fact that once I caught him he had the nerve to deny it over and over then finally came clean I am really trying to get over this and move on but it's hard and I am deathly afraid he will do it again
Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001
Sun, 12-30-2012 - 6:21pm


ONLY you can decide if this a "Deal-breaker" for you unfortunately.

I went through this we were married and had two young children.

For me the trust was broken...he left me, moved in with the OW, divorced me after we were separated a year, married her...They are no longer together either.

He said he didn't want to be married...I asked him not married? or not married to me?...there is a difference...kwim?

It is very hard when you have kids together...but the lies, the chance of giving us a disease is just so wrong...:(...I was pregnant and he put our ds at risk...not cool at all.

I was devastated but in the end he decided, he left us.

Just decide what is best for you hon...don't do it for your daughter.

My heart goes out to you, I know it's difficult.

His family did the same thing, lied, covered up for him, it was so wrong.