I don't know what to feel

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-26-2000
I don't know what to feel
Sun, 10-13-2013 - 3:08am

I have been staring at this page awhile. I just feel numb I guess. My brain hasn't shut off in days. So please forgive the babbling. 

I found emails from my husband to another woman that proves an affair. I confronted him. He admits to it. But says nothing had gotten physical yet I don't think I believe him. He wrote that she is always in his heart and he thinks of her day and night , that kind of stuff, but also said he doesn't love her. Some thing died in me when I read that. I don't want him to touch me or really even near me. I just don't know what to feel am I angry? Am I hurt? I don't even think I know. The one thing I do know is I want to burn all the wedding pictures and anything he ever gave me. It was all a lie.  He swears he wants to be with me. But all I can think of is, he would still be doing it if he hadn't been caught, they had dinner plans for the night I confronted him, he says he wouldn't have been able to go because he would have felt guilty, but he didn't feel anything when he was emailing her while sitting beside me. So I don't believe that either. I don't believe he is sorry. I believe he is sorry he was caught. 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Mon, 10-14-2013 - 12:45am

Of course he's sorry he was caught!  And whether it was emotional or physical doesn't matter.  But it also doesn't mean that your marriage was/is a lie.  You didn't say how long you were married, and you didn't mention children, which would have some bearing on it.  But no matter how long, men have a way of having affairs even though they love their wives, and don't want a divorce.

Why were you searching his emails?  Did you suspect or know something?  If the two of you can't calmly sit down and discuss what happened, why it happened and how to put it behind you, then you need to get some marriage counseling and see if it can be worked out.  You're wasting your time being angry, (it will change nothing, just give you ulcers), and you don't really hate him.  People make mistakes, and if they're truly sorry, then it should be put behind you.  Sometimes it was started by the woman......and most men can't resist the thought that they're still desireable.  Get some counseling, and if you truly can't get past it, then it's time for a divorce.....because staying with a man you don't love, or you hate, or you don't trust is just going to make you sick. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2008
Mon, 10-14-2013 - 6:23am

You have a right to fell however you feel, keep in mind this has to to with fantasy and ego it is a thrill and an escape.