I feel like I'm going to lose it !

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2009
I feel like I'm going to lose it !
8
Wed, 05-27-2009 - 6:06pm
I have been married for 21 years,married him when I was 18,we have three children(they are 19 & 20, the other is 9),first let me start by saying my husband is bipolar and is hard to live with he takes medication which has helped through the years but it can only do so much. Ok to the point, I'll make it a shorter version, he cheated about 10 years ago with the mother of his son,forgave him eventually moved on, well for the past year I had felt that he was up to no good again, so back in Oct. I found out that he had an affair with someone,it was for about 6 months, I was going to get a divorce was looking for a place to move,etc.. but he cried,promised the world,etc.. so I stayed. Now I find out that he has been seeing another woman(who is married) since Jan., I went crazy,told him to get out or
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2009
Wed, 05-27-2009 - 6:23pm

I'm so sorry you have to go through this again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2004
Wed, 05-27-2009 - 8:41pm

So sorry you are going through this. I too was married for 21 yrs., and we have four kids, one is disabled. My ex is also bipolar, also hard to live with, but I lasted 21 yrs. with him, and he cheated on me twice, both times he left, when I found out about the affairs. He claimed we had nothing in common, he wasn't happy etc. He is now living with the second OW. She is 18 yrs. younger than he is, a few years older than our oldest child!! I know how hard it is to go through this, and honestly I don't know how I got through those early days, or weeks even. I cried all the time, but of course I had to keep going for my kids. I am going through with the divorce, and we are in the middle of it right now. Going to court, dealing with lawyers etc. I am praying that I won't lose this house, but I do have to buy him out.

I don't really have much advice, just wanted to let you know that you are not alone in this, and that you will be ok. Bipolar people are more likely to cheat on their spouses than people without it. Now that he is out of the house, I have to say, that I have less stress in a way, since I don't have to deal with him on a daily basis, or remind him to take his meds. He was suicidal three times in our marriage, so that too was a lot to deal with.

Hang in there, and take care of yourself!

Lori

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 05-28-2009 - 9:12am

I wonder why your H wouldn't go to counseling "every day" before it got to this point?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
Thu, 05-28-2009 - 11:00am
First of all, and you know this but under these circumstances you can't hear it enough, THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT!

"If something cannot go on forever, it will stop."  Herb Stein

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2009
Thu, 05-28-2009 - 10:23pm

Be very careful about your decisions, however, and let any upcoming decisions percolate for a while before you commit.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
Fri, 05-29-2009 - 9:27am

I'm sure others may disagree. But if you can take your time to get your head on straight, and be separated for the time, or put him in the opposite site of the house if possible maybe you could be more confident when you are ready to say "I'm totally done".


Second that.

"If something cannot go on forever, it will stop."  Herb Stein

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2009
Fri, 05-29-2009 - 11:00am

KUDOS!!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2008
Sat, 05-30-2009 - 9:31am

My husband suffers from depression as well, I know how hard it is to see past the illness to take the steps you need for yourself. It feels as if you are walking away from someone who needs you. The truth is he does, but with out him first taking the steps he needs to own his actions and control his health there is nothing you can do to help him.

I hope you will look for a good counselor the help you deal with your emotions as it is very draining and scary. For me I have had to step back and not take his mood swings so personal. I have learned to hold him accountable for is actions because even with a mental illness they do know right from wrong.


I am still in my marriage and I love my husband more then words can say. However I have to learn to love myself as well and not be so willing to allow him to walk over me. Please take care of you and know we are here to listen when ever you need us.


Hugs Gal