I finally confronted him

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2004
I finally confronted him
15
Tue, 04-13-2010 - 10:08am
Okay i confronted him and he has denied it. Yes he was on the dating sights, but he still stands strong. Okay fine i told him and we agreed to have a clean slate. he gets so jealous of some of the things i do that its rough. I call it a double standard. He does not seem to trust me when it comes to some things. But clean slate and we are going to work through it.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2010
Tue, 04-13-2010 - 10:56am

Dear cl-missybee837,

I know it's a double standard and sometimes I wonder if they get so jealous is because they think we are doing what they are or what they would be like to be doing. Look at what gets him so jealous and call him on it. Keep a positive attitude, buy something nice for yourself, it does wonders for me even though not so good for the check book:)

Take care

CrazyHeart422

"Do unto others as you would have done to you"



~JC~

Hurts have taught me never to give up loving Be willing to take another risk and chance, otherwise tomorrow may be empty.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2004
Tue, 04-13-2010 - 12:05pm
thanks. It does always seem like double standard. Its okay for him to do it and even accuse me but he is the one that is doing things. I will keep that in mind.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2009
Tue, 04-13-2010 - 12:17pm
It's less double standard and more trying to move the spotlight from him back on to you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Tue, 04-13-2010 - 1:13pm

Hi Missy, be careful, if you "start with a clean slate" so to speak are you letting him get away with it? I know for a fact that if he doesn't take responsibility for his choices he will more than likely do it again. Please don't sweep it under the rug.

Maybe he is "jealous" because he is feeling guilty. He may think if he does it or has the ability to do it so will you. Are you in MC? or IC?

hugs, Ollie

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2010
Tue, 04-13-2010 - 1:42pm
Listen to Mia - it is a classic defensive mode when they try to turn it back on you, and get angry at you. It's what I went through when he was in the midst of full blown A and angry and yelling at me and accusing me of things. Which actually he was having the sleazy life. And starting with a 'clean slate' with out getting to the bottom of things is not necessarily a good thing, it just 'forgives' any past transgressions with out getting to the bottom of what exactly was going on and why. Doesn't 'fix' the problem..... just delays more of the same.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2004
Tue, 04-13-2010 - 2:24pm
oh i know thats typical.. what happened yesterday was world war 4 in my house it was bad.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2004
Tue, 04-13-2010 - 2:26pm
ive gone through counseling yes. i know my situation is probably different from anyone here.....but it happened and we are working through this. Talking about things and moving on.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2010
Wed, 04-14-2010 - 10:42pm
good luck!! honestly!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2004
Fri, 04-16-2010 - 10:36am

thanks sorry i have been mia........ the past few days has been rough. however we talked it though and we are moving on.

its been rough and will be for a while. but we want to work on this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2010
Fri, 04-16-2010 - 11:02am
That's ok, understandable - we've had a rough time of things the past few days as well. H stormed out of MC last night and slept on the sofa in his clothes. The only time he'd done that in the past 16 years is 3 nights before he left me last year right before Dday 5/1/09. So here we are a year later, about in the same place, only hopefully he's not still in contact with hor..... Very rough. I stayed with MC myself, and he is to go by himself next week. Usually we always go together. The MC is really concerned about a variety of things and says that H really needs intense IC himself as well as MC - but that I have to face facts that no matter how much I love him, and am trying to forgive him, he just may not be capable of giving me what I need in this relationship and I may just have to say either I live with this (not good) or let him go.... alot to think about.

Pages