I just am tired of feelling like the victim

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2011
I just am tired of feelling like the victim
9
Thu, 03-24-2011 - 9:55am

about a year ago, my very world was shaken when I found out that my husband of almost 8 years was having an 'almost affair' with a wayyyy younger woman he was attending college with. I was going through some of the most painful time in my life (tummy woes that I won't go into here)........and I can not describe how I felt knowing he had kissed her & exchanged 'pictures' with her, and had 'chats' with her...and she's only 25 (and we're 40)...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Thu, 03-24-2011 - 12:58pm
I would suggest since you are no better now (a year later) than you were when you first found out, that you get yourself and your H into marriage counseling, And if he won't go then go yourself and talk to a marriage counselor.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-1999
Thu, 03-24-2011 - 6:34pm
If you are a year into this and still stuck, I would suggest that you speak with your doctor about maybe getting some medicine for depression and perhaps a recommendation for some individual counseling. Something that I seen helpful is to just try and find one thing to be happy about today and focus on that. Tomorrow try to find something else, and just keep building on that. Pretty soon, you will remember who you are.

Feel better and hugs to you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2008
Fri, 03-25-2011 - 12:26pm

Hiya Kim

Hugs.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2011
Sun, 04-10-2011 - 10:53am
After finding out of my husbands affair (3rd actually) it took me kicking him out and filing for divorce. No illusions- it hurts like he'll- but with him gone I'm not pouring energy into a broken marriage. I have found that it has taken me being alone to reevaluate my life and find my feet again!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2011
Sat, 06-04-2011 - 6:37pm
Wow Kim ur story sounds like mine-at least where u are. I too found out almost a year ago when the OW husband knocked on my door. I didn't see it. He had been caught texting another womn 2x in the past-both of them ex gf's from yrs ago. However I feel that texting about ur feelings or sharing what is meant for ur wife only-is cheating. But the OW in this case, is a mother to one of the kids on his bbal team. coaching took alot of time away from home, but I knew how much he enjoyed it-so I supported it. She lives around the corner from us. Not easy and looking to move. But evidently she told him she had to tell him something and asked him to meet her. He did. She told him that she has been in love with him for 2 years. He says that he never even spoke with her one on one. They continued seeing, texting. Emailing for 6 months. He swears they ONLY kissed. Cheating is cheating period. I chose to stay because we were 4 weeks away from finalizing an adoption of a foster child that has lived w us for 5 yrs. I lost my job, or I should say I was fired (by my only sister) because I couldn't function. I have 4 kids-9,15,17,20. I barely leave the house. I hv always takencare of my appearance-haven't had a haircut since last June.I hv gained alot of weight. I cry every day. To me also it seems like yesterday. I think about it constantly. it has become obsessive. I think of him kissing her. How it took him 10 min to decide to cheat on me! it's even hard to read or write on here because it puts a pit in my stomach. That's why I have not gone to therapy. Its like one side of my brain tells me one thing, I know what to do, I just don't know how to start. I feel like I sold myself out because I stayed. I have tears streaming down my face just writing this. I feel like nobody knows how I feel. Anyway, I wish I had someone to show me how to live again-I do know how you feel.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2011
Sat, 06-04-2011 - 6:48pm
Me again. I probably went on too much about the A itself but it was the first time I had posted. I just wanted you to know that there is someone else out here that feels like you do. <3 to you....
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2011
Sun, 07-03-2011 - 3:15am

Yes time has pretty much stood still for me too. My H had a full blown (pardon the pun ) A with a woman younger than 3 of my children. I'm 18 months down from d-day and it sometimes seems to be getting worse, especially lately. She keeps showing up in unexpected places, uninvited, where she knows he will be. I was there for her last cameo about a month ago. It reminded me all over again how young and pretty she is and made me wonder why the hell I'm still here. This is the most difficult situation I've ever tried to deal with and I still don't know if we will be successful in saving our marriage. He want's to very badly, I'm just not so sure.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2011
Fri, 07-08-2011 - 1:47pm

I found out about 10 days ago that my husband has been having an affair with one of his coworkers.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
Sun, 07-10-2011 - 12:50pm
Wow! After only 10 days since you found out, your H has willingly made the choice to change jobs and careers to prove he's remorseful and wants to rebuild? Sounds like he is truly sorry and saw what he stood to lose. I'm so happy for you! Best wishes!