Hi worstyear, I'm so sorry you find yourself in this situation.
I say listen to your gut! People with nothing to hide, hide nothing! There is absolutely no reason he should have "secret" email accounts or be sneaking around on the computer if it all was on the up and up. Trying to turn it around on you and call you paranoid is classic cheater behavior. I would not believe a word he has told you since you have discovered his "secret" email account. Some people believe it is not cheating if they don't sleep with someone else. An EA (emotional affair) can be just as damaging. Many others on this board have suffered the pain of their partner's online porn addictions and online affairs. My ex's online activities escalated to setting up meetings with the OW. I am sure that is quite common.
Would your H be willing to go to MC (marriage counseling)? I would suggest that and individual (IC) counseling. My exh was just like yours, he tried all he could to make me feel like the guilty party when I discovered his A through emails. I made copies of the emails and showed them to my best friend (among others)--she was horrified and helped me see that I wasn't crazy. The counselor I spoke to also confirmed that my ex had at the least an EA.
As far as you leaving the house, make the first call to an attorney! You can not be forced out of your home. You purchased it together when you were married right? You have just as much claim to it as your H. I'd say call an attorney TODAY to see where you stand financially even if you don't divorce it will empower you.
Take care of yourself!
dRIVING FOR THE RIGHTS OF THE INDIVIDUAL SINCE 1969
I would trust your
inshock is right. You do not get on the websight unless you ask to be. I know my husband has done them......many of them. you can look on other sights to see if he is there as well. my husband did something like 30 of them. im serious. if they are paid ones he will only sign up for the pictures or what he can see. he does not need to be able to talk to others.....he will find a way to communicate with them. my husband just put his email address in and they emailed him instead...its easy. or putting a phone number in. thats easy too.
dont be fooled. Check into it as much as possible.
good luck and keep us informed.
Thank you everyone for your input. Well, he is still putting this back on me and saying that I have trust issues and how bad I hurt him with making him sleep elsewhere and throwing my little temper tantrum??? Please. I just asked him not to come home because I needed to process this without him around me. He is the one that took the perfume he bought me for Christmas and the bullets from my gun when he stormed off. Funny, he actually thought he was worth going to prison over. :)
I later e-mailed him and
Like everyone keeps saying "trust your gut"...