I just found out...I am lost... Help

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2012
I just found out...I am lost... Help
4
Wed, 03-07-2012 - 9:23am
I just found out last night that my husband of 6 months has been sending text messages to another women. The text I found was a scandalous pic of her and him telling her that she looked ravishing and that the pic almost made him crash his car. He knows he screwed up... And he swears they never had sex, and I believe him... I don't want this to end our marriage... But I don't know what to do.... Any advise?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Wed, 03-07-2012 - 2:50pm
Sorry you have to deal with this. What is the rest of the story? Is this a woman he actually knows from somewhere or just some random woman he hooked up with online?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Wed, 03-07-2012 - 11:46am

(((wholover6)))

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2012
Wed, 03-07-2012 - 9:54am
Thank you, I honenstly wish I could call her... But he deleted her number right in front of me... We will be getting help... I just worry she will try and text him again and I won't know
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2012
Wed, 03-07-2012 - 9:49am

I have also been married for just over 6 months, together for 5 years before marriage, and no children. I don't want to give you my whole story as to this is your post not mine. But about 6 weeks ago my husband went away on an annual trip with his brother and friends, and to make a long story short the group ended up hanging out with some women on friday night, my husband ended up getting left at the bar where they were all at and one of the women drove him home, when he went to get out of the car she made her move, and we will just say she pleasured him in her vehicle. The following 2 days the two text back and forth same thing as you pictures were sent and so forth. On that Sunday evening the women ended up meeting back up with them and my husband at this point ended up telling her he was married and even told the women all about me. This whole story has been 100% confirmed by the other women. So here is my advice to you, call the other women but do so in a very calm and direct manner, and do not tell your husband you are going to do this. When I called the other women it took everything I had not to just go crazy, however I knew that if I did I wouldn't get what I wanted, so think of it as your using her. The first time I called I got her voicemail, this was the exact message I left. I said Hi I am ____ my husband's name is ____ I know that you and him had contact at least over the telephone, I am not angry with you and I am not calling to yell at you I am just calling so that I can hear the truth. I don't blame you at all and I know that my husband is 100% to blame please call me back when you have some private time to talk. This worked she called me back about an hour later. Now again I must stress to you BE CALM, it will be the hardest call you ever make but ask her specifically what happened and for how long, reassure her that you are not angry with her (even though you hate her!!! remember you are in control your using her to find out!!!). Now I will warn you the women I spoke with was we will just say trashy! said some pretty stupid things to me like that I would be ok single and I don't need a man and blah blah blah (Like I needed her advice). You also need to be prepared to hear the truth and when she tells you don't lash out at her write it down dates, times, ect... so that you have all the information, this will be very challenging, but I promise you need to hear it no matter how hard it is. So once you have accomplished this then explain to her that you wish for her to have no further contact with your husband, if you have been civil up to this point she will most likely totally agree to this and if the situation is similar to mine she will apologize. Now you may find out nothing has happened, but even with that said this is a serious violation of trust, you and your husband need to get into a good therapist and figure out why he would text another women outside the marriage. I thought prior to this happening my husband and I had the best life we never fought and life was perfect, however this didn'tappen because life was perfect. So if you husband is reaching out to another women he needs to figure out why he is doing that. If your husband is like mine I am sure he loves you very much and will be extremely remorseful. The two of you will nee to do some work and figure it out, but understand you just found out it is going to be a couple bad weeks before you will even begin to talk to your husband rationally. But first make sure you have the correct information. I am very sorry this is happening to you, and please understand your not alone.