I just messaged other woman...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2011
I just messaged other woman...
7
Thu, 11-03-2011 - 4:53pm

I have no desire to talk to the "other woman", but I just want to know exactly what happened.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2011
Fri, 11-25-2011 - 10:28pm

If I were you, I'd go into stalker mode and wait outside her house and demand an explanation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2000
Wed, 11-23-2011 - 12:29pm
I still haven't heard from my x-best friend. I asked her thru another friend for her side of the story. To tell me how it happened, why she did it etc so that I could have some closure. I know it may hurt me more to hear it, but I need it. I can't explain why, I just need to hear her side of it. But she is too selfish still to give me that. I hope that I don't see her out becasue I may just have to tell her what I think of her and it won't be nice.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2011
Mon, 11-21-2011 - 2:21pm

She never wrote back.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Sun, 11-06-2011 - 4:25pm

I did it and if you need to, as well, there is nothing wrong with it, as long as you understand if he/she was dishonest enough to cheat with your spouse, it's not likely you will really find out the truth, anyhow.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2008
Sat, 11-05-2011 - 7:17pm

I have had mixed results here. So much depends on the OW's reaction, so first off, set your expectations for a truthful answer low and be ready for anything.

I do feel that you should plan it out carefully. Have a very clear idea of what you want from the contact (information, informing her not to contact him again, whatever). Once you know that, word it carefully. DO NOT put any judgement into it.: if she gets defensive you will probably not get any truth from her. Save the ultimatums and talks about what's right and wrong for your H.

I would also decide how you want to deal with the possible temptation to turn it into a back and forth dialogue.

Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2000
Fri, 11-04-2011 - 12:38pm

In my instance the other woman was my best friend, which made everything that much harder. I have sent her 3 emails and not gotten one response from her.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2011
Fri, 11-04-2011 - 2:36am
Drfaustus- i am so very sorry. It is hard to have to try and get the truth from two people who are both capable of lying and deceiving. How humiliating is it knowing you have to rely on these two people for answers so that you can somehow make sense out of the most unimaginable nightmare that has become your life? I knew xAP. She was the wife to my husbands friend. I mailed her a very scathing letter a few days post dday. A month later I emailed her and asked if she would answer some questions. She did this for me. Like you, I just wanted answers, I am thankful that she did it. Do I trust her her? No. But between the he said she said, I feel I got about as accurate of a story as I could. most importantly, what I accurately learned is tht my husband downplayed a great deal. It has been 5.5 months. There hasn't been 1 day I haven't thought about her. I am still very angry and perplexed by it all. I don't understand how she could do it. I don't understand how he could either. The part that makes me sick is how selfish of a thing it is. It's just a terrible life event. Please take care. This is your road to recovery, you are driving the car. You get to decide where you will go with it all and how far you have to go. I don't know that there is a Right way or a wrong way. It's simply just the "way" you need to do this. One day at a time is as fast as it goes. Hug to you.