I know - Do I tell?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2009
I know - Do I tell?
30
Mon, 08-10-2009 - 10:16pm

I'm suffering a moral dilema and I didn't know where else to go.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2004
Mon, 08-10-2009 - 11:35pm

hi there,


as a married women, i'd want to know.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Mon, 08-10-2009 - 11:52pm
Have you asked her "if she has any idea what this will do to his wife when she finds out." I would find a way to tell his wife annonamously myself.


Edited 8/10/2009 11:57 pm ET by peaceyma
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2008
Tue, 08-11-2009 - 12:44am

I would have wanted to know unless the affair had already ended before the informant found out about it. My H affair went on for so long and I sure wish I would have known much much sooner. I feel like such a fool being played for so long by them.


The wife is probably too busy with the two babies to even realize that H is not acting normal but she will be feeling it eventually. If you know for sure that he is going to file for divorce, then it's probably best for the wife not to know about the affair, the divorce will be painful enough.


Does your friend have any feelings of guilt or shame? She needs to also take a look at the BS board to see what the wife will go through when she finds out. I told my now ex-friend when she was all giddy that I could no longer be her friend until she was out of the affair. I gave her the info about the EAS board too as I knew she was addicted to the A.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
Tue, 08-11-2009 - 10:12am
I wish someone had told me early on, when I was just beside myself and sleepless because I knew something was wrong and didn't know what, and before the trust was so thoroughly destroyed there's no way to mend

"If something cannot go on forever, it will stop."  Herb Stein

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2008
Tue, 08-11-2009 - 11:49am

My BF cheated on me with his X... yes the woman that had an affair with his best friend and that is why they separated and he cheated with her on me... I found out through email, but I wish someone had told me sooner.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2008
Tue, 08-11-2009 - 11:53am
I most definitely would want to know. I am sure you can find a way to do this anonymously if you need to. At least to give her a clue. It is a sad situation to be in.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2009
Tue, 08-11-2009 - 11:58am

Dear Rosie,


I applaud you for coming to this board and seeking out advice/opinions. It’s so rare that people these days give any thought, or care, or lend a hand to strangers. Know that if you decide to disclose the affair to the wife, it’s not out of malicious intent but it’s the most compassionate act you can take in a situation like this.


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2009
Tue, 08-11-2009 - 4:38pm

I was thinking of just mailing her a note with my friend's number on it and telling her she might want to call it because her husband has on a daily basis for many many months!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2009
Tue, 08-11-2009 - 6:15pm

YES BY ALL MEANS TELL!

T.J.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2009
Tue, 08-11-2009 - 7:05pm

I was thinking of just mailing her a note with my friend's number on it and telling her she might want to call it because her husband has on a daily basis for many many months!!

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