I saw the OW

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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
I saw the OW
Fri, 08-17-2012 - 5:47pm

I posted a couple times before.   I'm 3 months "out"and trying to work things out with hubby.  He has been trying real hard to earn my love and trust back but some days I wonder if it's worth it.  (married 19 years, 2 kids).  So the OW (who is also married) works only about 5 minutes away from me.  I talked to her on the phone once and she assured me that she will not call, text, email my husband again.  I threatened to print out all the calls from my phone bill and show her husband and she begged me not to.  I told her thats exactly what I will do if she attempts contact wtih him again.   Anyway, the other day I was driving by her work and noticed the time and knew she would be walking out fhe door any minute.  I was curious of how she looked so I parked and waited.  I knew her the moment I saw her since there are only about 6 employees and only three are women.  Now I'm no super model but I think I'm holding up okay for my age but she is only 25 and not only is she heavier than I am but not really that attractive!  I must say I was a little upset about that.  I can "almost" understand  my husband being attracted to some hot little tamale (as I pictured her) but she really was nothing much to look at.  Not ugly but certainly no head turner.  So I mentioned it to hubby.  I said I was surprised that he ""risked our marriage" for a plain Jane like that.  He just told me it was more of a "friendship" thing....blah, blah, blah.  <sigh> 

So, as of right now we are together and trying to be "normal" again but of course the trust is completely gone.  I'm not crying everyday like I used to but the occasional tear will fall when I think about how much he hurt me.  I feel like a stronger person after going through this and some days I think maybe, just maybe, I can get past this.  I guess time will tell.  He knows if anything like this happens again, I will NOT forgive him.    It's funny because I was doing laundry last night and accidentally washed his wallet.   I thought he would be annoyed with me (I've done that before, lol) but instead he hugged me.  I didn't understand why and he said that showed him that he was earning my trust back since I didn't check his pockets.  I was a fanatic about checking phones, pockets, etc. for a while but I guess the urge to do so has stopped.  I did, however, remind him that I reserve the right to check pockets, cell phones, trucks at any time and he said he is fine with that.    So....life goes on.    Thanks for being a place for me to vent.      :smileyhappy:

Avatar for pater_familia
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2008
In reply to:
Tue, 08-21-2012 - 12:28pm


I've been thinking about your post for some time and thought I should give you my two cents. My spouse had four OM. Only one was what I thought of as being atractive. All the other men were what I would consider ugly or just plain creapy. I was so upset with my spouse when I saw one of their photos on-line. I went on this ill-advised rant, "when you cheated on me you cheated with that?" "bla bla bla" ... extend lecture out for five minutes, wive starts crying ... it goes badly. She can't win this one. If he was hot, I would be upset because he was hot, if he was ugly, I would be upset because he is ugly. This is a non productive excercise. Everyone loses. 

the core of what I am really upset about is that she had affairs. 

We have a name for finding out what the OW looks like, it is called self tourture. Don't do it. There is nothing good that comes from it. consider doing this, go to your husband and tell him that you realize that tracking the OW down and finding out what she looks like was a mistake in that seeing her made you really upset and that no matter what she would have looked like, the thought of him with anyone else makes you feel [fill in the blank]. See if that leads to a better discussion from excuss boy?




We have five kids. Our D-Day was in August, 2008.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2012
In reply to:
Sat, 08-18-2012 - 8:36am

Your post rang a bell with me. Although my H affair was with a women whom lives far away and I will no likely see in person. After I found out I became a super detective and some how managed to find her on facebook. I already knew a little about her and was disgusted by what I knew, she is 52 my H is 28 and I am 32, she is married and has a son who is 25!!!!!! This is the part I knew, but wow was I schocked when I saw her facebook, she was disgusting she looked like she was 68, overweight and her son is actually 27. So this women hooked up with my H in her car at a dirty hotel with my H who is only 1 year older then her son!!!! Till this day I will never understand the reason my H did this, His beer goggles must have been full to the top!!!! it has taken me a while to come to terms with this. Thankfully my self esteem hasn't really taken a beating. I have always been pretty confident. I work with a lot of men and am always getting compliments. I know I am attractive I have always taken good care of myself. Through counseling my H even admitted he hated that I always get attention, and he liked that a women finally gave him attention like men do me, With which I said of course she did she is disgusting and you are cute an the same age as her son!!!!! Anyways this has taken me a while to digest, and thanfully I also think about it less and less each day, it took everything I have not to send this women's H an e-mail and tell him everything, but in the end I decided I needed to do what was best for me and not drag any more drama into my life so I never sent the e-mail, I figure this isn't the first time she has done it and eventually she will be caught. Anywas lovely post and just wanted to share with you that your not alone!!!