I snooped...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2006
I snooped...
7
Sat, 09-18-2010 - 5:23pm

I signed into H computer... and found an adult meet up site for sex site that he joined. Now since I did this without his knowledge (he had a password on there that was easy enough to decode) I don't feel like I can bring it up. But how do you keep something like that secret?? We don't go back to the counselor together until the 30th (the doc is out of town).

I knew he looked at porn and I didn't care... as long as he wasn't doing it with someone else. Now his profile says that he has sex everyday (we've not had sex since I found out about OW). So, did he lie about that on the profile or is he lying to my face about not seeing her anymore?! Or is he just using this as a porn site? I'm so confused and disgusted... and now I'm wondering who he ever was! :-(

I was already going to bring up at MC on the 30th that if he wasn't sure about this I was going to ask him to move out for awhile. It's hard for me to have him around and have no emotions from him.

The only reason I went on his computer originally was to see if he was still emailing her or if he had any recent chats (as I just found out 3 days ago they stick around for a long time! lol). He didn't have anything there (and since the computer was password protected he would have been able to keep stuff on there).

Am I thinking too much into this? Is it innocent porn... or, is there something more?

Katrina

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2010
In reply to: _katka83_
Sat, 09-18-2010 - 10:03pm

You can delete chats or opt to not have them saved.... just fyi, may be getting smarter about it...

I know for me I promised myself if I ever suspected, I'd just hire a private investigator... LOL and I will if it ever comes to that...

part of recover here is no secrets. I've snooped and brought things up...... but thats the only way i found out anything... it sucks but recovery here is no secrets... it shows that you dont trust him, and when you have proof like that he doesn't deserve trust yet.. rebuilding trust... coming clean lots of yelling, screaming, crying, walking out then coming back home saying sorry....

sounds like a sex addict.... have you discussed that? that and alcohol was the problem here, now sober I'm lucky to get it once a week LOL

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2009
In reply to: _katka83_
Sun, 09-19-2010 - 9:19pm

do NOT let him know you were able to break his password. if you choose to bring it up i would lie and say something to the effect that an anonymous woman sent you his profile and his response to her profile.

no, this is NOT porn. it is what it is. it is an avenue for people to meet and then hook up for sex. my husband signed to several adultfriendfinder, alt. com. ashley madison just to mention a few. on those site he openly declared he was looking to hook up for sex. he wanted a special kind of sex - anal sex. he openly stated he did not want to use protection. he met a woman there that he had an affair with for 4 years before i discovered what was going on. along with her he was meeting and talking to women on other sites even yahoo, where he declared he was a widower.

who knows what the truth is regarding his having sex every day. only he knows and if you think there is even an remote chance that he will be honest with you - i am sad to inform you he will not. lie is what men like yours and mine do best.

the fact that he is going to marriage counseling and also on line looking to meet other women says it all. doesn't it.

dr. phil has a saying: when a someone shows you who and what they are all about - BELIEVE THEM. i know tough words, but true words.

begin katka to value you, he, like my husband, knows you want this to work. he thinks all he has to do is say i am sorry or lie about it and all will be well. why? because you so desperately want your marriage to work. he is taking advantage of you.

i can not tell you what to do, but i will tell you this - and i oh soooooooooooo believe it "we teach people how to treat us".

time to draw a line in the sand "hell no, i am not going to take it any longer" if that is the life he wants and values 'time for the door to hit him where the good Lord split him'.

please take care of you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2006
In reply to: _katka83_
Mon, 09-20-2010 - 9:14am

Sissy,



Thank you for your response.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2006
In reply to: _katka83_
Mon, 09-20-2010 - 10:00am

Hi,



Sometimes I wonder if he is getting smarter... he's doing more things to cover his tracks that's for sure, passwords, etc.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2010
In reply to: _katka83_
Mon, 09-20-2010 - 2:07pm

I asked him if the fact that he wasn't suppose to be sleeping with her made it more exciting, he said yes.



He said sneaking around was a rush.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2006
In reply to: _katka83_
Mon, 09-20-2010 - 2:12pm

So, basically they want monogomy so that they can get a rush from not being monogamous?



Well, that's just crappy.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2009
In reply to: _katka83_
Mon, 09-20-2010 - 3:15pm

because they are blind and do not see the real gem sitting across the table from them at dinner time.

unfortunately, as i just wrote another poster some do not wake up until they have lost. then they wonder, 'what in the hell was i thinkng' - that is just it - they were not thinking, or perhaps they were they were just using the wrong head. ha ha do not mean to make light of your situation but often times levity does help

take care katka