I think I have lost my mind

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2010
I think I have lost my mind
Wed, 02-24-2010 - 1:54am

I'm new to this site and trying to hold it together.

Avatar for pater_familia
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2008
Wed, 02-24-2010 - 2:27am

I'm so sorry.

The only thing you can do NOW is take care of you. It is time to stand up, dust yourself off and get busy. Work the 180 list: http://bssgiv.tripod.com/id11.html.

The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. Hate and Love are related in that you in fact, care. The way to really get back at someone is to pull your stuff together, start really taking care of yourself, and move on with your life. Make the life of your kids extraordinary, fun, and work really hard to improve yourself and stop giving those two people one second more of your soul and you win.

I know there is a lot to digest.

Good luck! You can do this.


I have 5 kids ages 16-10. Our D Day was August, 2008

What I'm doing to rebuild: Therapy, Books, Exercise, Forgiveness and Listening.


We have five kids. Our D-Day was in August, 2008.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 02-24-2010 - 8:01am

I am so sorry for your pain - we all understand how you feel.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2009
Wed, 02-24-2010 - 10:59am

Hi weilbk,

I'm genuinely sorry.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2010
Wed, 02-24-2010 - 5:56pm

Thank you so much for your responses.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2001
Wed, 02-24-2010 - 9:58pm


I just want to let you know it will get easier over time. My STBX left me (and my 7mth old DD and 3yr old DS) for his skanky co-worker 7mth today (just realized it was 7mths as I was typing!). The emotions you are experiencing right now are so raw and so real. I have been there with the crazy emails/texts in the middle of the night, the psycho phone calls when the kids are screaming in the middle of the night, etc.. It doesn't change a thing. I really didn't even feel pathetic for doing it because IMO, he f'n deserved to hear what I am dealing with while he is living his life without any responsibilities. These cheaters are in a major fog and whatever we say doesn't matter because they either think we are 1)crazy or 2) want them back. It is all about them! I would say, if it makes you feel better than do it. Just be careful not to do anything that can be used against you in a divorce proceeding.

For me, going to the lawyer was a surreal experience. I remember feeling like I was in a nightmare. Just so unreal. At the end of the meeting, I did feel very empowered knowing what my rights and options are and taking steps to protect myself.

As for your friends, unless you have been through what you are going through, they don't really know what to say or how to act. They may be thinking they are saying what you want to hear with the comments about your H but I am sure they aren't helping the situation. Keep posting here as much as you feel you need to. People on this board "get it". We understand your emotions and the rollercoaster ride you are on.

As others have said, definitely take care of yourself so you can function and be strong for your daughter. As the days go by, you will be able to function better and think clearer. The pain and anger won't go away right away, but they will fade to the background. The sucky thing about divorcing and having a kid is the contact with the STBX. Get EVERYTHING in writing and don't assume a thing. These cheaters have spent all this time lying and manipulating us without even knowing so you now know they are capable of things we never expected.

I know you will be fine. I am doing better each day and really feel sorry for my STBX who is living a horrible life (IMO) with his skanky OW.

Best of luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2008
Wed, 02-24-2010 - 10:24pm

Hi, You have been given some really good advice so far. Yes,yes yes you do need to start ignoring his calls and to stop all contact. Have you had a chance to look at the 180?

I would suggest taking a loved family member or good friend with you to your legal appt for emotional support.

This is hard, we all know, but in time you are going to be just fine.