I thought we were doing good......
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|Mon, 07-14-2014 - 1:11pm|
I have been with DH for almost 15 years, 9 of those are marriage. We have always had a rocky relationship. Lots of distrust from me mainly becuase he is verbally abusive when we get into arguments and I never felt "good enough". But he also had a few female friends and he never seemed to think it was a problem to text them. So I was always suspicious of his true intentions with them. I guess I alwasy felt like he had to have someone else "just in case". So, I had an emotional affair about in 2009 with a coworker. We did end up kissing but I broke it off right after that because I knew where it could lead and I couldn't let myself get to that point. I didnt tell DH anything but a few months later I found out he was also having an emotional affair but with someone in a different state. I let him be the bad person for a day but felt guilty and finally confessed to mine as well. He completely disregarded his affair and made it all about mine. He decided to stay with me but I basically suffered for 2 years. I alwasy felt like it was just my punishment for what I did (he thinks because I kissed the guy that my affair was much worse). He would go out every weekend, get wasted, stay out till all hours of the morning. I would constantly see him messaging girls on facebook or see texts from them. It seemed to be a different girl all the time. It hurt me so much but I still felt like it was my "punishment". We finally decided to go to therapy in the fall of 2011. We only went a few times but I felt like what the counselor was telling him made a difference. I had brought up soemthing that happened a few weeks before our therapy session where I saw he had called a girl. He tried making an excuse of "well if my wife wouldnt..." and the therapist cut him short and said "no, your wife has nothing to do with this. This is YOUR choice and YOUR actions". So for the next 3 years things were amazing. We barely fought, we talked more, we enjoyed each other more. I actually knew what it was like to finally trust him. I felt so secure with myself, like I was finally the only girl for him. I just felt like everything was the way it should be for once. Until this past weekend. Like I said, I had finally trusted him. So I didnt feel a need to go through his phone, and it had actually been a few years since I last snooped. He was taking a nap and I heard him get a text. For the weirdest reason I felt a need to see who it was. It was a girl that he had met just shortly after we started dating. I never thougth anything of her because she was a friend of one of his male friends. She wasn't cute and I never thought of her as a potential threat. But the text she had sent said "hhmm...it'd have to be Saturday or Sunday because my mom is coming to town on Monday and is staying at my house and then I'm leaving Friday on vacation. Unless you want to do it somewhere else". OMG my heart sank. SANK hard. I was in utter shock. I didnt want to say anything to him because I didnt want to start a fight. We had been doing SO good for the past few years, I just couldnt imagine he'd want to put us through that heart ache again! So I waited until he went to bed to fully be able to go through his phone. I found nothing else except a picture of hiimself naked that was taken 2 days prior...a picture that was obviously never sent to me :-( So I messaged her on facebook and she confessed to sleeping with him back in 2011, just once she claimed. I am just disgusted. I am so sick to my stomach. She said they have been talking off and on for the past couple of years but she hasnt seen him since their one encounter. I find that hard to believe since they were obviously going to meet some time soon. I wake him up and confront him. He said he hasnt seen her in years and they just talk once in a while. She said that they do flirt and send each other pictures. Part of me feels like I'd be able to get past the actual sexual part because that was back when we were gonig through a REALLY hard time. But the fact that he has kept in contact with her since then and has done who knows what, just breaks my heart. I have no idea what to do. I have always told myself that if I ever catch him talking to a girl again, that I would leave, no questions asked. But now I sit here running everything through my head thinking should I try to make my marriage work? Should I file divorce? He acts like nothing is wrong. He claims we are "even" now becuase he still thinks I had sex with my coworker. I just dont know what to do.