I want to fix this

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2011
I want to fix this
17
Sun, 08-28-2011 - 12:23am

My husband and I have had many relationship challenges over the years.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Sun, 08-28-2011 - 1:11am
Problem is once you agreed to the threesomes you probably sent him a big message (that him sleeping with other women is acceptable with you) Does he admit to having a sex addiction? And if so will he go get help for it? If not and you want kids, you need to rethink if your H is the guy you want to be the father of them, cause unless he gets help for his addiction this will be a huge problem when there are kids thrown in the mix.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2011
Sun, 08-28-2011 - 1:25am

I think if I asked him to he would see a therapist, but is that just me imposing something he isn't ready for?.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2011
Sun, 08-28-2011 - 2:42am
I may not be the best for advice, but I'll still tell you what I think based on what I've learned from own experience and from what I've been taught here on other boards. I am a BS- 3 months out. Trust is the foundation for any relationship. Without that, you are in a relationship built out of sand. Sounds like your husband doesn't have strong enough boundaries with his old friend, and I'd be willing to bet: other women. As far as threesomes go- if you both want it as much as the other- continue. However, if you aren't comfortable with it or just want to start family- it has to stop. As far as you being anxious and seeing a therapist for it, did you recognize this problem within yourself and seek help? Or does H somehow exacerbate it? As for him going to therapy, it has to be his decision for himself. We cannot force or change anyone. One of the biggest things I've learned is that when you are married to someone and love them, you do whatever it takes to make them feel safe and protected no matter how silly it may be. I hope your story has a happy ending. I hope you have that talk with your H, lay it all out there - your fears, what you want for your future with him and go from there. Take care Wendy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Sun, 08-28-2011 - 1:29pm
You should maybe suggest marriage counseling so you can hash this all out with a counselor who could talk about " appropriate boundaries in a marriage".
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Mon, 08-29-2011 - 11:29am

Hugs!

Avatar for khatru1
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2004
Mon, 08-29-2011 - 1:55pm

I think your H's view that sexual acts do not carry any emotional component and therefore do not mean anything , is a very concerning statement. The problem is you do not believe that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2011
Mon, 08-29-2011 - 8:56pm

Question: Do you really enjoy the type of sex life your H wants?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2005
Thu, 09-01-2011 - 11:52am

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Avatar for lizmvr
Community Leader
Registered: 06-06-2001
Thu, 09-01-2011 - 10:55pm

"So the incident that set this off and led me to post to this board -- H's friend from 10 years ago -- not particularly pretty, or interesting, is someone I have hated, mostly because I knew he was attracted to her. I know he has fantasized about her. In fact, he has even told me so. I have been very against her every her hanging out, coming to our events, etc. But he claims she is one of his dearest friend, and I need to get over it...

"And yes I read his email last night, and yes he had a rather flirtatious exchange (which I think she honestly backed of on). Saying, 'why were we never single at the same time?' And it only worsened. . . .

Liz


Clinical Research Associate


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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2010
Fri, 09-02-2011 - 7:11am

Dear Friend,

I am going through something like that myself.

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