iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2011
Wed, 10-19-2011 - 12:05pm

Ladies. I'm in shock right now, total and complete shock, but I really shouldn't be. I found out last Monday that my husband had an affair with his hair stylist (he no longer goes there and hasn't for a while) back in March-May of 2010. I also came to find that he has been lying about numberous things. I explained that he needs to come clean about everything so he told me he kissed some girl at a party back in 2007.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2008
Wed, 10-19-2011 - 4:48pm

I haven't posted here in a loooong time but your message caught my eye and I can't stand the thought of you just waiting for someone to answer.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2011
Wed, 10-19-2011 - 4:58pm
Ash- I had three months worth of bombshells spaced about a month apart. So, take deep breaths. In one sense I was relieved because I had suspicions, but in another the information is shocking.. You are now living with an imposter. He looks like your husband, but he has done things your husband will never do.

Your choices are simple to plan, much harder to carry out. You can split, you can stay and work on it or do nothing. He has the greater burden ash. If you are anything like me, I feel as if a part of me has died. A part of the joy I once felt that lived inside me is gone. I feel unsure of myself and my ability to make sense of my world around me. It is all very unsettling and the days are filled with uncertainty where they once were more predictable. I try to count my blessings, because they are many. Since life is in a state of chaos somewhat, this is the time I can assess myself and make changes in myself that we're long overdue. For me and no one else. I will hang on to what I like about myself and what keeps me strong. Those traits are the ones that have helped me thru these dark days. They allowed me to be very clear with my husband about what I will need in order for our marriage to continue.

You are on a journey, and I mean a journey. This is not a weekend getaway. Only you know what you can withstand and if you think the damage can be patched up. Because I don't believe it's totally repairable. It's a patch job, but even some of those can have things running better than new. If you think it's too much no one will blame you for your marriage dissolving. It's about you now. I hope your husband does what he needs to do to repair the man he is. LAst, go get tested for STD's pronto. Take care
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Wed, 10-19-2011 - 5:17pm


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2008
Thu, 10-20-2011 - 2:22pm

something that helped me was to tell myself over and over

this is not the man I thought he was

it is a very big shock and lasts months +

you will be in mourning but if you realize that you never really had him in the first place where you thought you did it may help to lessen the pain (although it can become anger which can help you to put yourself first for a change)

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Fri, 10-21-2011 - 10:58pm

Sorry I cannot respond except thru another response, iV and my computer often don't like one another anymore.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2007
Sun, 10-23-2011 - 8:43pm

I'm so sorry Ash. I know that feeling of utter shock and disbelief.

With respect though, I think