Indirectly Influence a Relationship (Breakup)? ;)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Indirectly Influence a Relationship (Breakup)? ;)
9
Fri, 01-11-2013 - 10:52am

Been scouring the internet.   This Huizenga guy, the affair expert, says there are ways you can indirectly influence a relationship.   Anyone ever look into this? ....or have an idea what those ways might be?    (he wants $ for his ideas.   who knows if they're even valuable ideas.)

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-1999
No because statistics.show.the other relationship rarely lasts anyways. Besides if my H goes stupid again he won't be worth my time anymore.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008

I agree these relationships dont work out but what you read could be something like mind control?? There is a guru who's name is Silva and he wrote books and all on how we can control others minds and all.. Not sure if it works but these things ususally cost alot of money.

I have found something totally awesome and new in my life called EFT.which stands for emotional freedom technique. its tapping on energy meridians in the body and there is a huge connection between mind and body and soul.. It def. works on certain areas of life like relationships, money and career and health.. Maybe it could work for you. Just google utube and eft and see if there is anything for what you are looking for..

I was also thinking of some sort of voo doo but they say that doesnt work..

What about praying for peace of mind.. that works alot..

take care

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-1999
Oooh voo dooo. I see a new thread.of virtual voo doo. What would we do if we could and it worked. Lol. I better not though. All the progress I thought I made would go out the window in a New York second. Ok well maybe just some innocent hair pulling....and one needle stick. That's it. Lol.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008

Ha Ha.. I often wonder about voo doo as I have been to New Orleans and it appeared so real there.. I did buy a voodoo doll there with pins and all.. At times when my ex H was acting crazy I would stupidly stick pins the doll and make believe it was him.. Ha.. It didnt work but who knows? Maybe he felt it. (lol)

Anyway;; I wish there was some magic formula or potion or something but lately I have been reading about and studying alot of metaphysical modalities and there has to be other things out there bigger than we are and I am starting to believe anything is possible.

Only thing is that I have been betrayed by men and I take it as it just wasnt meant to be and I walk away with head held high into a much better life.. Personally at this stage of my life I dont think any man is worth the stress and angst and drama that I t hought it once was. Things happen for a reason and moving forward is the way to do it and then maybe getting some sweet revenge doesnt hurt.

Just my two cents!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004

Hi, Sweet!  I've been wondering about you, so it's good to hear from you now.  I'm really sorry, however, to learn that you're still fixated on your ex-husband's new relationship.  I understand that you're still angry and hurting, but at this point you're only hurting yourself when you continue to give him space in your mind.  It's past time to stop focusing on him and start focusing on yourself and your future.

I'd love to hear an update on how things are going for you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

Did you ever hear of the saying that living well is the best revenge?  You know, I agree with Geoteo--getting on with your life.  So if you did figure out some way to breeak up your DH & his AP, do you think that would somehow make your life perfect & him being in love with you again?  Why would you want to be with a guy who betrayed you anyway?  I can see if someone had an affair and was really sorry about it and wanted a 2nd chance, but if you caused the breakup it still wouldn't be your DH's choice so then in his heart he would still prefer to be w/ the AP and not you--how would that make you feel?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008

I was thinking sweets is it that you want to break up your husband and his mistress for revenge and not because you want him back.. I know how much it hurts for a person who made this committment and then cheated on you .. It makes it especially worse when you dont have someone special of your own.. When I knew my exH before our divorce was dating and finding women and sleeping with them and trying to get into relationships I tried so hard not to let it bother me.. To this day after our divorce he always had a gfriend and I only managed to have one rebound relationship and then some dating.. Right now I am still alone after many years and it still stings a bit  and I know my ex is still with his gfriend that he had years ago...I never wanted to break them up and I moved on but I cant help but still think he is with someone and I have no one.. and he was a total jerk and abuser.. and what is wrong with me... Just a few thoughts...

So I am still asking you the question? Is it because you have  no one and you would love it if he and his mistress broke up but that doesnt mean you want him back??You just want him to suffer. and know he is suffering?? Is that right?? You want him to feel the same pain you are feeling and have felt over the betrayal..

Let us Know..

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008

It would be so nice - and healthy - if we could just put all the affair details and faces out of our minds, but our brains just don't seem to cooperate.  So many of us - myself included - find out thru a therapist or trusted friend that all we're accomplishing is we keep it all going inside our heads, and in the end, we're punishing ourselves.  I still struggle with it all but I'm dealing with really bad depression, so I feel halfway crazy, anyway.  I remember a number of times watching Dr. Phil once in awhile, and there are sooooooo many affairs happening out there and like he has said, there's never a good reason to have an affair, there's really no justification at all.  He also has said many times you just let this guy know what's going to happen if he doesn't change his ways.....and then you let him go off and do what he wants, because you cannot watch him 24/7.  I often wished I could buy some device that would follow DH's movements 24/7, since trust becomes such an enormous part of affairs - it disappears and you're forever on guard.  Don't put yourself in the one-down position so you seem to be begging for him to choose you - if he doesn't openly and totally willingly toss her to the curb and re-devote himself to you, then do you want him, anyway?  I'm having a devil of a time letting my own DH "back in", there are so many years of crap in our marriage and I still obsess, which my new therapist says IS depression.  But our household is living proof a person can indeed change, if they try hard enough and get help; maybe they will never change completely, you have to decide if you can live with that or not.  My DH is pretty much terrified I'll still end up leaving one day, which isn't likely but often tempting when I'm really obsessing.  What matters here is what's good for YOU.  Is being with him good for you, esp. if he stays as he is?  Examine that relationship and ask yourself what you're currently getting out of it, be honest with yourself.  Getting "revenge"?  I'm not sure that really happens.  We think of elaborate schemes to get back at the other woman or our spouse, but I still think if we spend that much time and effort hoping to hang onto them, maybe that's the wrong focus?  So much easier said than done, but we're all sorta in the same boat.  Good luck whatever you opt to do.  Ask yourself "do I deserve better than this?"   

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008

wow that was great Myradorn ..

I remember from her last post that sweets you are still living with your husband at that time and watching him go to his mistress and have to sit there and know what is going on has to be the most painful thing ever imagined for you?? I would think and hope you cant move on unless your stbx husband is out of your life and gone from the home.. this way you cant see what he is doing and could move forward and feel better.. You cant heal if you are still watching this unfold. It must be gut wrenching to you and you seem to be unable to let it go and move on and on your own living with him.. I can bet if he was out of your life for good you could move on ...

I am not you but if this seeing him still with his mistress is causing you so much distress and pain I would find a way to get him out or get myself out of this situation.. Its not worth the pain and agony and seeing him like this with another woman.. Either sell your house or moveo out or get him out.. Sometimes you have to physically do something and none of the psycho stuff works.. Although it helps to go to womens groups and therapy and do all you can to move forward its still seeing him in that same space with someone else..

Time for a New Plan of getting this man out of your life for good..