Interesting....

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2008
Interesting....
8
Mon, 01-19-2009 - 3:18pm

I was wondering how many of our WS had a parent or parents who cheated or left the family for AP?


I was reading a couple of posts that talked about the WS's father cheating and/or leaving the family the WS grew up in. My H's father also cheated ...and at the time his mom was pregnant.(which is my story here)

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2008
Mon, 01-19-2009 - 9:38pm

i dont know if my father inlaw ever cheated on his my mother inlaw, but i do know that he wasn't very involved in the bringing up of the kids.

**********************************************
me & hubby : 26 years old
married for 2.5 years, have a son 20 months old
d-day : August 06, 2008
rebuilding
**************

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2006
Mon, 01-19-2009 - 10:13pm

my husbands father got his mother pregnant while he was married to another woman. my mother n law was not the only woman who he got pregnant there were others, he was a real piece of work. his mother then got pregnant by someone else that she did not marry. then she (his mother) moved to Chicago for work. left my husband and the other child, a girl, with her parents. after a few years my mother n law met someone and married him, then had a third child. my husband and his half sister continued to stay with their grandparents until they were grown.

when my husband was 40 his father called. the father had had a heart attack and he was calling to make amends. my husband was less than kind. he never spoke to his dad again, his dad died a few years later.

interestingly enough my husband got another woman pregnant 3 years into our marriage. i never knew about the daughter until she was 17 and left home and became an anticipated minor. at that time she attempted to go on welfare and the Courts demanded to know who the father was so they could make him pay vs the State (rightfully so). so, after 21 years of marriage i found out that nearly our entire marriage up to that point had been a lie. now keeping in mind my husband has had nothing to do with this - now young woman- how sad is that.

one would think that we learn from the errors/bad choices of those who came before us -

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2008
Mon, 01-19-2009 - 11:13pm
Maybe it wasn't the cheating itself that may have shaped the young minds of these children who became adults and continued the circle of infidelity.... Maybe it was the lack of love or affection or feeling important (self esteem building) that brought them here -to this point.....I felt that my H regarded us as disposable at the time of A---maybe because he had felt disposable when his dad left for two years....I do not know-but am interested in what contributes to the selfish self serving behaviors of these people
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2007
Wed, 01-21-2009 - 10:18am

I think that your last post is intuitative.


My husband's family of origin is full of divorce and betrayal. His real father had little if anything to do with them after the divorce. He now

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2004
Wed, 01-21-2009 - 11:30am

I can see how a child's experience growing up, watching dysfunction

Solazzo

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2008
Wed, 01-21-2009 - 1:39pm
I think you are right in all aspects---the things that hit home for me during my IC were exactly ---H was attracted to me due to my nurturing nature---I did in some aspects help him too much and make his life easier--and he was always wanting more help--yes I think his childhood molded him into a lot of his thought processes and I do think that it is a part not all of what helped him end up where he is now---I think you are right--some people rise above their upbringing and circumstance--some see wrong in their parents M and want the opposite, some just mirror-------why they CHOOSE is a real question--is it easier? My H trends toward the path of least resistance----he has many choices --he makes poor ones--and this poor choice was his worst so far--I am in no means giving him a pass--if you remember from my story I turned him in and he was forced to do inpatient
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2004
Wed, 01-21-2009 - 1:49pm

That was very nice.... thank you!


I know you're not giving him free pass. I'm just encouraging you to dig deeper and you are. You're getting exactly what I'm saying. We all have crap in our lives, it's how we choose to handle it that counts. KWIM?

Solazzo

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2008
Wed, 01-21-2009 - 2:03pm
Exactly---at the onset of this I did have a moment of clarity and thought that I wanted to handle this in a way that if (and I am not that naive /WHEN) my children find out ...they would be proud of the way I handled myself. So far no discussions or heated words in ear shot of them...and no anamosity in the house----tension