Is it fair...

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2011
Is it fair...
3
Sun, 11-13-2011 - 1:52pm

to ask someone that has had problem with other women via text, computer and voice to ask them to give up the cell phone and the computer? The cell can be set so that he can have contact with certain numbers but to limit it feels like a control thing. My thoughts for doing this would be peace of mind and to help alleviate the wondering/worry while we worked on us and counseling if I decided to stay? what about asking to stop contact with cousin that has given the telephone number to him of the most recent woman? If they haven't been close in like 24 years is it wrong to ask him to stop contact with the female cousin also?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
In reply to: armyhdd
Fri, 11-18-2011 - 12:00pm

It is perfectly fair to ask him to give up the means he used to contact the OW and that includes the cousins who hooked him up with her to start with.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2011
In reply to: armyhdd
Mon, 11-14-2011 - 12:38am
One of my favorite articles was in wiki how called how to earn our spouses trust after an affair. It was written for WS but it helped me get an idea of what was fair. Seeing an attorney for a consult will help you get a picture of where you will be IF you decide to divorce.

Remember that you are not the cheater, he is. He threw you into this without giving you a choice. We all heal at different speeds and in different ways. There is no wrong or right. How could there be? You do the best you can that is all you can do.

Alot depends on him. My husband did everything I asked, because fair or not the end result was us- OVER. I do not feel that I was unfair. In fact even if I was we would never get to even. What was important to me was that I somehow try to preserve who i am and be able to go to bed and wake up and look at that mirror and be proud of how i live my life.

Goodluck and take care
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2011
In reply to: armyhdd
Sun, 11-13-2011 - 8:55pm
I think that is not an unreasonable request. The cousins are snakes in your relationship. Their venom must be avoided! You really can't give up the cell phone and computer in this age, BUT, if he really wants it to work, I believe he wont have a problem giving you access to those devices. (passwords, etc...)