Is it me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2014
Is it me?
Fri, 03-07-2014 - 6:49am

Hi everyone, 

Im having trouble in my relationship. We've been together for 3 years.

im disabled with the illness Rheumatoid Arthritis. Due to have operation at the end of this month a triple foot fusion.

my partner is my Carer.

I have 2 children, one is 7 and one is 1. 

My my family moved abroad last year, I'm feeling very lonely.

my partner goes out twice a day for a few hours each time.

ive explained to him that I'm tired, that I'm in pain and Im lonely

that I feel as if I'm doing everything by myself, like I'm a single mother

if I say to him, I'm lonely, we don't spend time together anymore, he just turns it all back on me, that it's my fault basically, he's saying, he's making the most of going out before I have my op as he won't be able to go out after that, cause he'll be caring for me, so I explained that I understand that, but at the same time, I'm still ill, even before my operation.

every morning, I get up with the children, whilst he has an extra 30 minute in bed.

ive explained many, many times, that I'm in more pain in the mornings and it's hard for me to have the baby first thing and I'd appreciate if he got up with us to help me. everything's still the same.

im in debt so I was worrying this morning over a letter that I had received, he knew this, but his friend rang and he arranged to go out with him, so we had a tiff and that's when he turned it on me, saying "I don't know how you'll act when I get a job then" I said that's different as then he'll be doing something productive, but as soon as the baby is in bed for her morning nap, you're off, when you could be spending time with me.

he then went out to get milk, that was like an hour ago.

if I ever should say how I feel, he disappears for hours, knowing that I'm struggling, certainly running around after a one year old.

I'm made to feel guilty then for wanting time with him even though he goes out twice a day, I've being supportive with him getting back in to football as I know he loves that, I've been supportive for him to get back in to work after I'm back on my feet, but it just gets thrown back in my face if I ask him to stay and to just be with me.

i just want to know, is it me? Am I being unreasonable here? 

I cant ant talk to him about anything as I know, itll just get turned back to me, that everything's my fault, as usual.

ive got no one else to talk to, so any advice would be greatly welcomed

Gem x

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
In reply to: Gemmn
Fri, 03-07-2014 - 5:58pm

I am going to make some assertions here, so I may or may not be correct.

He may be overwhelmed and leaves the house to escape.  Unfortunately, this causes a vicous cycle that is hard to get out of.  Because the more he is gone, the more you voice your disatisfaction, and he then wants to go out more.  

Also, and I am not saying you are doing anything wrong, but you might unknowingly be coming off as a nag.  

Before I say too much more, I wanted to make sure you knew that you posted on the Betrayed Spouses Board which is generally regarding infidelity; emotional and physical affairs.  

I am sure you feel betrayed, but I would suggest also posting on another board.   We have boards on Marriage and Relationships.