It's been 2 months....still unsure if staying

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2005
It's been 2 months....still unsure if staying
7
Fri, 05-20-2011 - 9:16am

2 months ago one of my good friends finally admitted to me that she slept with my dh...she said it was going on for years and after backing him into a corner he finally admitted it was true but he claims it happened once--needless to say ...I dont believe him-I believe her.
We have 2 boys....5 and 12. I have been sleeping in the spare br sinse and dh has been doing everything to make this up to me. He says that he was sorry he did it and felt that way when it happened. I dont believe him b/c, I have found nude pics he has sent to a girl and confronted him on texting other girls b4 finding out about him sleeping with my friend. I want so much to believe that this kind of thing will never happen again but I CANNOT! I feel stuck and dont know what to do. I have

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2003
Fri, 05-20-2011 - 11:10am

dont make any decisions yet - make an appt with a marriage counselor and see her/him as often as it takes until you can make a solid decision.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-1999
You would be amazed at what people can heal from. But, I really think that you may only be able to do it with the help of some counseling. If he is so into making it up to you, I think that he would go just in hopes to heal the marriage. If not, then I strongly suggest you get some counseling just for yourself.

{{{HUGS}}} and BTW, I am sorry you have to join us on the board, but I will say there are some great and very strong spouses on this board who helped me out a lot.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2005

I told him when all this went down that counceling was needed. I told him that I was tired of trying and that if he wanted to make that step then it would be a great decision. He has made no attempts other than signing up for Mort Fertel online and he stopped reading the emails after a month. I told him several things that needed to be done so that he can work thru alot of his issues. He has made no attempts to do so.
I feel I owe him NOTHING--I have been here year after year-screw up after screw up. I would be willing to go IF and ONLY IF he has made the effort. Too many times he has told me what I wanted to hear....or done things to "make it up" to me and

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2011
tlc51899,

I'm so sorry you are going through this. But it seems that you are trying to deal with the reality of your situation.

I think what cheaters sometimes do not realize is that, once it is discovered, they cannot control how you feel or how you will react. The risk of cheating is losing the person you may still love.

I was in a similar situation and took very deliberate steps to determine if I should walk away from my 25 year marriage. And, the decision is based on more than just the affair.

Believe it or not the ball is in your court. It is a matter of deciding if you want to play or not.

Although difficult, the financial situation can be worked out. But don't be held hostage because of it.

I'm not advocating that you leave H. I don't believe that decision belongs to anyone but you. I just want to you think long and hard about the choices you have and make the best decision for you.

After my situation, I wrote a book to empower women with tools and strategies for making these difficult transitions.

If you are interested, you can download it on Amazon (very inexpensive...the goal is to help women):
http://amzn.to/ijSztX

Whatever you decide, best of luck to you. Please keep us posted on what you decide. We'll be praying for you.
SSI100
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2005
Tue, 06-07-2011 - 12:12pm

The problem is....I do not have enough or make enough to support myself financialy. My youngest son is going thru

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2008
Tue, 06-07-2011 - 12:38pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2008
Tue, 06-07-2011 - 12:41pm

don't let your feelings twoard your husband seperate you from your kids (this happened to me with my first marriage I wanted to get away from HIM so badly I left the kids with him and moved out although he loves them I sure thought he would do better for them, they lived like pigs and he unschooled them)