Just found out

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2012
Just found out
6
Fri, 11-23-2012 - 5:31am

I have just found out that my partner cheated on me in May of this year. I am so lost a to what to do now, as more information comes to me about the supposed one night stand, I have a million more questions. This was all made aware to me when I found a strange number on my cell phone record multiple times. I questioned them and then did my digging and after hours of lies and made up stories the truth came out, only after I had concrete proof. What do I do now??

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2012
Fri, 11-23-2012 - 10:26am

I have been where you are.  My experiences and observations may not fit your situation but I'll offer them for what (little) they may be worth.  First, other than gathering enough information to help you to determine how you might want to proceed, I would NOT delve more deeply into the intimate details of the one night stand.  Once you get started down this path, there is no end to it.  If you become a voyeur, it could haunt you and make your hurt greater.  I really don't see any positive outcomes to following that course. Second, you need to step back and see what your inner feelings are about what the one night stand really means to you, e.g., your values, your ability to ever regain real trust.  Trust is a fragile commodity.  Once lost, it MAY in some cases be a transgression that cannot be mended.  You may want to consider talking to a professiona counselor to help you get in touch with those feelings.  At some later date, if you see the realationship MIGHT be salvaged, you may want to invite your wife into the counseling or have her seek counseling on her own.  If she will not do this, I would personally move on.  Third, how has the realationship been with your wife since May?  Have you noticed any change in her general behavior?  Maybe it was a fling--irresponsible as it may have been--for which she is ashamed and remorseful.  You are in a difficult situation but try to look at the big picture here before doing something you will regret.  Take things slowly until you begin to get your head screwed on straight.  You may find that, should you do something precipitous, you will be sorry for it later.  Move deliberately remembering that the big picture is what really counts.  It will be hard to do but, in my humble opinion, it is the best course for you--and her.  I am genuinely sorry for where your wife's behavior has left you but that is where you are.  Godspeed.  Craig.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2012
Fri, 11-23-2012 - 6:59pm
Thank you for your kind words. May and June were tough months for us. However i was unaware of the cheating untill thansgoving day.We started seeing a counselor in June and really worked through some stuff. We became more intimate again and really felt closer then we had in a while, then these text messages came thru from the guy in may, however my partner did tell him he couldn't do it this time because we were workin things out. We have a session tomorrow
Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
In reply to: xxxs
Sat, 11-24-2012 - 4:59pm

  I am bit confused as to the time line.  Did all of this happen in 2012?  When you went to counseling in June but the fling happened in May?  The tests are from May?  It seems that the fling was in May and ended.  The snooping happened later after all was over?  It seems that if this is correct then the fling is over.

chaika

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2012
Sat, 11-24-2012 - 7:42pm
"my partner did tell him he couldn't do it this time because we were workin things out. We have a session tomorrow" The you're on the right track. Just keep working on building trust. Good for you for trying to work things out instead of walking away, I couldn't do it. lol
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2012
Mon, 11-26-2012 - 11:55pm
The fling happened in may and October but I wa made aware of it a few days ago..... We went to counseling June July august. And then he met up with him again in October, this last time on nov 6 my partner told him he couldn't do it again cause of me , and that was the last contact we had. We were supposed to get married in October 2013 but we r postponing it. I can only say that I have a feeling of relief, cause I knew something was wrong but now everything makes sense .but I have decided to stay and work on it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2012
Tue, 12-04-2012 - 11:36am

Pilotguy20 wrote:
I can only say that I have a feeling of relief, cause I knew something was wrong but now everything makes sense .but I have decided to stay and work on it.

I can so relate to what you're saying here! I felt so relieved that I was not crazy after all! Have learned to trust my gut feeling/intuition

Mir