Just found out about husband's infidelity, don't know what to do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2011
Just found out about husband's infidelity, don't know what to do.
5
Fri, 10-14-2011 - 7:35pm

I'm so sorry this is so long, but I can't tell anybody I know about this, and I'm so lost.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2011

Thanks for the responses.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2011
Drfaustas- we are all so very sorry you have posted on this board. It is probably something that you never even imagined. Because to imagine it would be a very bad nightmare and what is worse, is the nightmare has become your life. I felt like
The man I married was a stranger. after all MY husband wouldn't do that. He wouldn't hurt me or deceive me in that way. It was the hardest, most painful dose of betrayal I have ever swallowed.

Many things seem to be common denominators with those that have cheated- especially men. They feel that they deserve the attention, the ego boost, the affection and sex from the AP. they convince themselves up its ok, because no one will find out, maybe they are made at spouse, it'll only be once, etc etc. They only seem to show the flood of emotion after they get caught. I doubt you found him crying all alone in the closet BEFORE the A came out. They only tell you the minimal. Maybe over time he will tell you more, but maybe not. If you have no way of finding out the entire truth why put you through more pain? What they don't realize is that lying( skewing, omitting, twisting truths) hurts even more when you do you find out.

You have every right to dislike him and to distrust him and to disrespect him. There are so many vital components required for a relationship and he seems to be confused.

I wonder if he feel that you are of a higher status than he was in some way? Like he married up? If that makes sense?

He will lie about what the affair meant to him. The truth is, if it was so boring why would he continue to call her? Affairs are about attention, being admired, boosting egos, they are about secrecy, fantasy and intrigue. They are about sex. Different sex than they get at home with a different partner than they have at home.

You are perfect just the way you are. It wouldn't of mattered if you were better or worse. The flaws lie within him and his own insecurity and low self esteem. This was his bad decision and his alone. Good people f up everyday, but something like this can be a fatal wound not only to your marriage but to you as well.

Now is the time to garner as much strength as you possibly can to get thru this. You have nothing to prove right now, where he has everything to do if he wants to keep you as his wife. One of my fav articles is by wikihow: how to earn your spouses trust after an affair. It'll give you a ood glimpse about what your hubbybshould be doing. Him going out of town is not good for you or your marriage. The longer he is gone the longer your made up story becomes. If he isn't there to tell you the story you will just fill in the blanks!

This is your life and your marriage. No one else's. Whether you D or want to stay married is your choice! Don't let anyone convince you of what is right for you.

Take care!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2007

He's crying and

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008

(((drfaustus)))

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2011
My goodness. It's almost like getting married freaked him out. (?) I'm sure he is not a bad person, but he certainly made some poor choices. Maybe he just isn't good marriage material. just guessing here. Your husband should be there for you in hard times!
If you are unsure, you could consider legal separation and have some time apart. He needs counseling and you need to take care of your health. Sending you hugs!