Just found out, I'm hurting bad

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2009
Just found out, I'm hurting bad
Mon, 07-06-2009 - 4:05pm
For about a year now my husband has been growing closer to a woman that works for him. She is divorced and attractive. Several months ago they started traveling together, most of the time it was just him and her. They would have dinner together, drinks, and go back to the hotel. The whole time he told me not worry, it was just work and there was nothing he could do about it.
I really started questioning him about it two months ago, because I just had a very uneasy feeling in my gut. Almost to the day I started questioning him he found some reason to be angry at me and left the house for the night. As the days went on he told me he wasn't in love with me anymore and he hasn't been happy for a very long time. He thought the best thing to do would be to separate so he could figure things out.
So he is now renting a house by the beach which is being paid for with our money. I decided to go down there for the 4th of July so I could be with my kids (we have five year old twins). At 8:00 pm on the 4th of July his phone rang and I saw it was her. I also know that she had been texting him during the day. I of course flipped out and when I had time to calm down he told me they were just friends. He said they text a little and talk a little on the phone but she is just a friend, who has also been giving him advice on divorce. He actually said that she was out of his league and a woman like her would never go for a man like him.
So, here I sit today. I am devastated. Obviously I don't believe they are just friends and I feel like this whole thing, the moving out, not being in love with me, all of it has to do with her.
I feel like I can't breath, but I have two kids to take care of. How do you get over this?? How do you get the thought of your husband with another woman out of your head?? Even if they haven't been intimate, he chose to confide and share his feelings with a woman other than me. I just don't know what to do and I thought I might find some support here. I feel myself falling into a dark hole.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2008
Mon, 07-06-2009 - 4:22pm

I am so sorry that you find yourself here with us, but I am glad you did. You will find some wonderful support here on this board and things you talk about are things we have all heard from our spouses. It is pretty amazing how similar things are from affair to affair. The board has a Website at the top of the page with some helpful links. Please post anything you are feeling, we are here to help and support you. You are not alone and I know it is hard to believe now but you will get through this.

hang in there and know we are always here when you need us.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2009
Mon, 07-06-2009 - 4:25pm
Thank you. It is so hard, because all of my friends are "happily" married with young children. No one can know the pain and terror I am feeling right now, even though they try. Unless you have been through it, you will never know the unbearable pain. I appreciate your support :-)
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2006
Mon, 07-06-2009 - 5:16pm

I am so sorry that you are going through this....but there are great resources here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2005
Mon, 07-06-2009 - 7:51pm

Hi, and hugssss!!!


Greatly Missed, Never Ever Forgotten

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2009
Mon, 07-06-2009 - 8:01pm
huge hugs!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2008
Tue, 07-07-2009 - 8:01am

Your story is so familiar. I've lived it myself. What the WS's dont realize is we have heard it all before. WAAAA I am unhappy WAAAA my wife is not perfect WAAA I need somebody else who makes me happy. Heard exactly what you wrote from my H's mouth 5 years ago.

This is nothing you did and you shouldn't be ahamed that your H went looking outside your marriage.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 07-08-2009 - 12:18pm
I am sorry you find yourself here, but you can't fall into that black hole because you have two darling children who need you.