Just found out, now what???
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| Tue, 06-08-2010 - 2:32pm |
I am a 42 year old white male who just found out on Thursday that my wife of 18 years has been cheating on me. Over the course of the last year she has began playing the online game World of Warcraft. She played it for probably 2 hours every morning and 4 hours every night. When she started, I was working a very demanding job and did not have much time with her. Last November, I changed careers and went from working 75 hours per week to working 35 hours per week. I tried to get closer to her but just pushed me away. I figured it was a phase and went along with it.
On Thursday I was on Verizon's website looking for a new cell phone and I saw the option to view my bill and all phone activity. I had noticed my wife was calling the same number at 7:30 am every day(when I leave for the gym) and staying on the phone with him til 9am. She was talking to him again during her lunch break and again on her 1 hour commute home. This had been going on for over a year.
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Thanks. I really appreciate your good wishes. Unfortunately, she told me last night that didn't want to try to fix things. She said its not what she wants and its easier to just leave.
Yes I thought I could just move on too and well I am trying, for me I cant set a time frame for it so its hard to say positive when the anger and hurt comes riding in. I am glad you are in counseling and I hope your W wakes up to see what kind of man you are and want to be and that she can become the W she needs to be to save your marriage. This is a long road from all that I read here, I hope its all worth it in the end.
I tried to grow some but it didnt work LMAO
Love and Grace to you
S
Thanks for all of the good wishes Onlyme68. There's just no way I could ever play the game with her knowing what it led to. Every time I'd hear her chatting with someone I would probably just go nuts wondering whether or not it was "him".
We had our first night of counseling on Monday and the counselor told her that she had to give up the game cold turkey. The counselor told her that the game was like an addiction to her.
First let me say I am sorry you are here, Noone deserves this, and your W needs to be sorry and she needs to do whatever you need within reason to show you she is commited. I am a WOW player because my H and kids are. My H had several A's that I found out about 18 months ago and he gave me an STD, this was such a shock.
I never saw it coming but it did . Finding out is really hard
I suggest you find something you and your W can do together, so you can try to reconnect at some level. She isnt a child but she is certainly accountable and should be an open book from now on.
My H quit his job, changed cell phone numbers and commited to not be alone with any females from work, We go over his cell phone bill whenever I feel like I need some clarification, this is what a spouse does to prove they want to make it work. I dont promise it works great or it makes it all better because its hard to believe someone who has deceived you and hurt you so deeply.
Love doesnt just go away because you get hurt or angry, it hurts and your angry because you loved so much.
and you will go through many phases of healing, marriage counseling
is a must and alot of commuincation, its what is always missing. Remember this thing that happened isnt really about you its about her. She had something wrong going on in her that caused her to do it.
Its hard for me to swallow sometimes too but I beleive its true in most cases.
Be wise and dont let her fool you, but also be loving and sympathetic, she probably needs you to
and if your really able, play some WOW with her, I learned to like it and now I play with my H. sometimes being his WOW wife is easier and sometimes I even like him better.
I pray for you to have the grace you need to follow through this very difficult , but hopefully worthwhile path
I am still trying too : )
If you left you dog for that long you might expect chewed up shoes or other indications of displeasure. Not every person can handle that. It is not in the book she read on how it is supposed to be. This new book is still being written. Long hours are the new norm coming home at 6 isn't.
No one can tell you what might have been. I have lots of friends with frustrated wives(and husbands) who play computer games for hours(days).
As for trust I myself never trust, ever. I expect each person to act in their perception of what is best for them.
You are lucky that she is very honest with you. She is telling you that she rather have him as her lover? Being emotional is now useless. Each person will go for what they need and want. in many societies Lady Chatterley will have her lover.
I suggest a sex therapist rather than marriage counselor and the best lawyer to see if a annulment or what can be done.
You must go through the fire and endure the pain to find wisdom and enlightenment. Odin gave his eye what will you give?
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