Just found out partner is addicted to phone chat lines

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2008
Just found out partner is addicted to phone chat lines
5
Fri, 06-10-2011 - 10:47am

Two days ago, I found a very questionable email in my partner's inbox. I was in his email to work on a calendar for our upcoming custody court case with his ex wife. The emails said him: I'll be waiting..... Her: what time should I come over? Him: 11 Her: unless you chicken out lol, should I bring drinks

So there it started, me wondering what was going on. I got his cell bill yesterday (it is in my name), and I was going over phone numbers to see who he is calling, one number kept coming up. So I did a reverse lookup up, a phone chat matchmaker line. What the F? OMG. I just reviewed phone bills, this has been going on since September, 2 different chat lines, calls 60 - 90 mins sometimes. All times I am at work or have been out. I confronted him, and he said the whole it is not what it looks like, I would never cheat on you etc. I don't think he thinks of it as cheating, yeah he probably has never had a face to face hook up, but he has been having phone sex with other women....

It is unbelievable. We have a great life together. We have a beautiful house, his awesome 6yr son and 3 amazing dogs (our joy). We are relatively debt free, and have a great life. We are going to Disney as a family vacation in a month. It just amazes me that he is doing this. I am so mad at him right now but think he really has a problem.

The worst part for me right now, is we are going to court seeking full custody of his son (long story). We have a very good chance of winning, however the big part of that equation is ME. If we split up, he would lose custody and his ex is moving away and would take her son with her. He works shift work and would not be able to be a full time Dad with out support.

I don't trust him right now,and I don't know what I should do. I don't know if I can continue just for the sake of my step son. He so has a problem and I can't help him. I have supported him through rough times (work and the ex)

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2008

He has called his EAP and will be going for counselling. I am going to see someone myself. I am just so mad at him and he keeps saying how can he make it up to me. Like it is just him not putting the garbage out or something. I just want him to deal with his issues. Just so mad that he would do something so dumb.

As for the custody, no it is not out of spite. The opposite. She is trying to move away to be with her boyfriend. His family life is with us here. His only extended family is mine and my DHs which is here. She is fighting us out of spite. First court date was this week and was very favorable to our case. She doesn't have to move. She has a great job here and she does not have a job in the new city. If SS stays with us, his activities stay the same, school the same, will continue to see his cousins etc. We are the stable ones. What we really want is for her not to move and that things went back to normal.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008

Your H does not want to admit it because he doesn't want to feel guilty and have to deal with your reaction and pain.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008

Yep, that's exactly right. If they wouldn't do it in front of you they know it's shady.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2008

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2008
He is trying to tell me he never actually had phone sex. So for the past 10 mos he was calling but never actually talked to anyone. So why are his calls, 10, 20 60 - 90 minutes. Maybe no one on one calls, but group calls or listening to others and he got off on that? I don't get it. I told him, if he wouldn't call the number in front of me than he shouldn't be calling at all. Am I overreacting?