Just found out yesterday...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2010
Just found out yesterday...
4
Mon, 02-08-2010 - 6:56am

I just found out yesterday that on Saturday my husband cheated on me. He tried to cover up everything then confessed when it came unraveling in his face. I found out everything from text messages that I had (as him) with her. She texted him yesterday morning and I found the message before he did and had a conversation as him.


I don't know what I am doing. She said they just stayed up all night talking and he admitted that they kissed. She even said they did not have sex and for some reason I do believe that. I just cant stop thinking about it. He was drinking when everything happened, but the drive to her house from where he was at is almost 35 min. How could he have drove all that way and still followed through with everything.


He said it was nice having someone to talk to. He said they talked about our relationship and how he was feeling. I just don't understand. He said the kiss just happened. She was the one who did it, but it only happened once.


I just don't know how to begin to heal or attempt to try and fix everything when it is all that I can think about. I cant sleep, cant eat. I need help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2010
Mon, 02-08-2010 - 5:07pm

He should cut it off with her and never see her again, ever.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 02-09-2010 - 8:20am
The first thing your H must do is to end ALL contact with this woman - he needs to tell her that his relationship with her was a big mistake, something he wishes had never happened and regrets deeply.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2010
Tue, 02-09-2010 - 11:13am
Thank you for your insight. We did talk, a lot, and did decide to go to therpy. We have had many personal problems between us and we need help healing each other. He did confess everything as was very open about everything that happened. We talked about what he felt he was getting out of her and what he felt after everything was said and done. I do believe that he is being honest with me and that we can move foward in our relationship. We both want to heal our broken marriage.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2010
Tue, 02-09-2010 - 7:02pm
I understand how you feel. You may not want to hear this, but be grateful it was only a kiss and not more. My husband just had an affair, and might be leaving me. So I know the pain you're going through. I'm not trying to belittle you're pain, just trying to offer a glimmer of hope. Any kind of infidelity is awful, and painful, and real. The worst thing you can do is alienate your husband. Yes he hurt you, but you still love him. And he loves you. Focus on that. Try to get to the root of why he did it. Overreacting can push him away further. Try to be patient and kind. It may sound backwards, as you're not the one in the wrong. But the best way to work toward healing, is to work with him, and let him know that you love him. Try to forgive him. This is the best way to show him that he was wrong and dissuade him from doing it again. I am so sorry that you have to go through this.