Just friends?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2009
Just friends?
10
Thu, 03-26-2009 - 2:43pm

I am planning the confrontation with my husband about the girl at his work. I'm still gathering a little bit of information. But it looks like I'll have a pretty good case and have some good concrete evidence of an EA.


My only question is: What do you say when they argue that "we're just friends"?


I'm about 98% sure that's what my husband will say. "It's just harmless flirting with a friend. We're not having sex." He'll even say he's not attracted to her.


So what can I say back so he knows it's still inappropriate?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2009
Thu, 03-26-2009 - 2:48pm

Tell him he is a married man and he is disrespecting you and that it hurts you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2008
Thu, 03-26-2009 - 3:08pm

I also recommend that you read "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Thu, 03-26-2009 - 3:40pm
That's the oldest and most overused line in the book.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2008
Thu, 03-26-2009 - 4:10pm

Hi neverguessed,


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2008
Thu, 03-26-2009 - 4:26pm

Neverguessed,


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2007
Thu, 03-26-2009 - 8:36pm

After having two husbands cheat on me with women they swore were "just friends" I have to say that I have come to believe that married men should not be close friends with females (of any marital status) unless the female is gay (Same goes for married women and heterosexual men).

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Fri, 03-27-2009 - 2:42pm
Not sure if you like Dr. Phil - I'm not actually a "fan" of his, it's just that the times I've seen him I have yet to disagree with him ONCE in any advice I've personally seen him give to cheating spouses and couples.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2008
Fri, 04-03-2009 - 1:26pm
Never, ever, believe the "We're just friends line." I made the mistake of doing that, DH was "just friends" with a woman at work. She has a live-in common law husband. We went to parties they had, H did some yard work for them, she's been to our house and met our kids....When H told me that another male co-worker (a friend of H's by the way...and also married) came to him, told him he was having an affair with "X"....and that he was planning on leaving his wife for her. But...if H and X had something going on, he would step back. H told me about this conversation and acted like he had no idea why this other man would think he had something going on with X. This sent up red flags with me immediately. Apparently X gave this other man the idea that something was going on with her and my H. I believe at the time nothing sexual was going on yet.....but fast forward.....X and the friend broke it off....X called my H and talked to him about it...one thing led to another, and H and the slut began sleeping together.
Even the day I confronted H about my suspicions, he still used the "We're just good friends" line.
I asked H why the H*ll, and how in the world could he have an affair with a woman who just ended an affair with one of his best friends...GROSS!!! He admitted she showed him attention and he could't handle it.
I read the book recommended above...(Couldn't get H to though....)and it rings true.
So, he had an EA for years with this "friend", and a PA for about three months before I figured it out.
H and I are rebuilding, and have been for a little over a year....but I just can't get past it all....and still have doubts about our future.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-2007
Sat, 04-04-2009 - 12:25am

Morgaine, I haven't been on the board for a while, so I just read your comment that "men should not be close friends with females unless the female is gay." I can tell you from experience that even that kind of friendship is wrong, wrong, wrong.

My H had an friendship with a gay woman at their workplace. The friendship turned into an EA, the gay woman decided she was straight, and guess what happened?

I don't know what the OW finally decided she was--gay, straight, or bi--and I really don't care.

That ugly chapter in our lives is over, and we have successfully rebuilt. We are the blessed ones, because his A was a wake-up call for us both, and today our M is much stronger than before.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2008
Sat, 04-04-2009 - 11:42am

I couldn't agree more, female friends are a big NO NO.