Just heartbroken... :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2011
Just heartbroken... :(
2
Thu, 12-01-2011 - 10:27am

I have been with my now husband for a total of two years, we have a seven month old daughter who is my world. We decided three weeks ago it was a good

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2011
Fri, 12-02-2011 - 11:07am
C- a broken heart is truly a physical and emotional pain like no other. I am a person who has few close friends by choice, because I abhor drama. But once I learned of my husband's betrayel it opened my eyes to the fact that despite our best efforts to avoid things in life, some things are out of our control, drama comes into to our lives for many different reasons at different times. I also wondered if this tragedy is happening in our house, what is happening in our neighbors homes? My friends homes? My own family? Yet another eye opener.

After reading your post, my initial thought was that if he admitted to a kiss, most likely it was more than a kiss. He already knows this gals body intimately as they have a child. He has been lying and deceiving you to go and spend time with this girl and for companionship? Nah. Ain't buying that crap. No way, and neither than you. The problems with affairs is that we become a main character, but off to the side. We know alot by what we get told, but we do not and will never know it all as we didn't see it. When you have to rely on two people both having lied, how can you trust that you are getting the entire truth? No matter, betrayel is betrayel. Hopefully you have enough info to put the pieces together. A story that flows and makes sense to you.

There is really nothing you can do about the OW. She seems self absorbed and selfish. Many OW are good people who get caught up in the fog, have true remorse and guilt and spend the rest of their lives beating themselves up over what they took part in. This gal, isn't even close to that point yet. Your husband is the one inviting her and letting her into your marriage. You have no control over that. Even you telling her to stay away probably won't be effective because he decides if she stays or goes not you. Their affair had nothing to do with you at all. It's all about them and what they wanted, felt they needed and had to have. Feel your anger towards them both as they both were two consenting adults who knew exactly what they were doing. I still feel anger towards her, I prob will for a long long time.

To know that someone else is has more information about your marriage is degrading and humiliating. But just remember that you know what truly goes on at your house. He most likely exaggerated things to gain sympathy kr whatever he wanted. There isn't much truth to an affair relationship. They are fantasy's, escapes from real life. She may think she knows ,but she doesn't. She never will.

You at this point need to figure out what you wAnt, what it is owing to take for you to feel safe and a little more secure. You do not have to decide anything final at this point. There is no way you can know if he is earnest until time has passed. But this is your decision, yours alone and shouldn't be influenced by what others think. You know in your heart what is best for you and your precious baby.

One day at a time, keep moving forward. Request whatever you want from your husband. There is not right or wrong or fair. Take care. So by sorry for what younare going thru.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2011
Tue, 12-06-2011 - 4:48pm

Thank you so so much for your reply! It has made me realize some things and I've thought more about it. I am still just as heartbroken and I have been thoroughly debating on leaving him. And I truly feel for anyone who has been through this before or is going through it now. It is absolutely devastating. It has affected my self confidence, my feeling of self worth and has truly made me depressed. I know we (everyone who has gone through it) WILL survive, it just feels like we wont! And with myself being so young (21) I know I have plenty of opportunities to move on however hard it may be. My little girl deserves the best and if the best means her mommy and daddy aren't together anymore then so be it! Anyone else going through something similar to my dramatic life story of the past month?? I would love to hear replies and some more advice and experiences!