The lackey has left the building

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2007
The lackey has left the building
Sun, 01-05-2014 - 10:13am

I confronted bf last nite.  He refused to answer whether or not he was on a dating website (I did not tell him I had proof)..I kept nagging til he told me it was none of my business that he was on a dating website. 

He said he wants to have an “Open relationship” and I told him absolutely not.  All while I am cooking his meals, cleaning his house, doing his laundry and managing his rental properties??? Seriously????  Don't think so.  The lackey has left the building...

He than said he wants to “Take a break” and I said, “So you want to see other women and if it doesn’t work out you want to come crawling back to me? Don’t think so.” 

He said, “Let me tell you something.  If I want to see other women, you are powerless. You can’t do a F**(©)ing thing about it.”

I said, “No, I am not powerless.  I can CHOOSE to leave you.’’

He said, “Than put your big girl panties on and tell me it’s over.”

I said, “It’s over.”

He began telling me how there are rumors that I am the biggest slut in town and THAT I AM THE ONE ON THE DATING WEBSITE, NOT HIM.  What a loser.  Deflecting the fact that he is on the dating sites!!!!

It was really late so I spent the nite before leaving this morning to go to work.  He tossed and turned all nite and finally went to sleep at 5 in the morning.  I deleted his email and vacation website off of my phone  (As you know I manage his rental properties..not any more!!!)  Once again, the lackey has left the building...

And you know what the funny part is? He acted like he didn’t believe me.  Acted like I was crying wolf and told me it must be that time of the month!!!

So I am a littie upset but I am okay.  Got my 180 list in my purse to look over frequently.  Thanks for all of your help…I hope he has fun going to his liver biopsy follow up without me....


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2009
Sun, 01-05-2014 - 4:07pm

NO, the lackey has not left the building, you have simply CHOSEN to LOVE Yand rightfully rightfully so.

I have no doubt that within 48 hrs he will contact you with the fake cry and maricopa. That lasts just long enough to find a quiet spot for him to log on again.

Stay strong and stay true to you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2007
Sun, 01-05-2014 - 6:42pm

Thank you has been a long time.  you were there for me during my marriage with xws and I really appreciate it.  you have also helped others on this board.  Trust me I didnt want to end it but I had to.  I will no longer eat s!$t with a smile <3

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sun, 01-05-2014 - 7:03pm

Wow, I can't believe how insensitive his response was to you--calling you a slut and said that you can't do anything about it.  You are so right--you don't have to put up with behavior like that.  If you find yourself feeling sad that you're not with him anymore, then in a way he did you a favor--because you can remember what a jerk he acted like to get you to break up with him.  If he wanted to see other people, he could have been honest and broken up with you first in a kind way, but he did not.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
Sun, 01-05-2014 - 7:46pm


I'm so so so sorry.  What a jerk he was to try and turn this all around on you and accuse you of what HE was doing!  Open relationship, my A$$! WTH does he think he is? All you were doing for him and he expects you to put up with an open relationship?  Sounds like he has classic Narcassisic Personality Disorder~he's so terrific that anything he does is ok and you're gonna put up with it because again, he's so terrific. And of course, he is totally entitled to do what he wants without any repercussions and YOU have no power. What a nutcase!

I know its so hard going through this again but you aren't going to be his backup plan and you put your foot down. You know you deserve better than this and you aren't gonna settle for less than that. I'm so proud of you! Better days are ahead for you. AS for him, well, I hope he and his cheating sister can figure out how to take care of all his business ventures and I hope she's willing to take care of him with his health problems.  I doubt very seriously any of the ppl he meets on a hookup site are going to. Given that his sister is a cheater and that he claims his EX was....kind of makes you wonder. Maybe his EX was and maybe she wasn't. HE may have been the problem. But he's not your problem anymore!

Wishing you the absolute best and a better New Year!


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2002
Sun, 01-12-2014 - 1:16am

To be cheated on once is devasting.  Twice is hell.  But Ive learned that the second time around, you are stronger.  I am in total awe and respect for how you handled that situation.  Now just stand your ground, move on, and know that he's going to have to kiss some major a$$, to find another woman as good as you were to him.  

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2007
Sun, 01-12-2014 - 10:36am

Thank you Musiclover 12 and everyone else who has been here for me during this.  Thank you, gwtwfanaliveagain, as you were also there during my m with xws and helped me thru my pain (I love your responses about XH by the way…too funny!!!!)

I am doing surprisingly good.  I have blocked BF on my cell phone. I do not have anything to do with him.  I saw him the other day going into the convenience store and I drove by and did not even look his way.   Every time I look at a pic of him I get disgusted.  He is dead to me as far as I am concerned. 

At this time the only thing I miss is the friendship we had and the times we had with the kids.  He had been distancing himself since around October (Claimed he was distraught over his dead sons when in reality he was on a dating website..what a scumbag!!!!) So the kids have not even asked about him.   I am done with him and never want to see him again. 

And lastly thank you lisachilene.  You support means a lot to me.  I could not have been able to get thru this without the wonderful support from my family and friends and the support from all of you at Ivillage. 

  I am free;  I am no longer his lackey.

I actually got asked out by a friend of a friend so I am going on a date in a few weeks..nothing serious, just go out and have a good time…We are going on a triple date…AND…another friend of one of my male friends called him and asked if he could call me for a date…hasn’t called me yet but I am in no rush anyway…

Thank you again and God Bless all of you….One of these days if we are all in the area we need to meet for dinner and drinks!!!  J