left my husband, cannot forget this
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|Thu, 07-23-2009 - 2:07am|
I left my husband about 2 months ago. I have always had this nagging suspicion that my husband cheated while working out of town. He would work out of town for four days out of the week and come home weekends for about 3 months, from last December to March. In our relationship I didn't once suspect that he cheated until this...
In February I paid his phone bill online. Oddly enough I was watching something on tv talking about how to catch your husband and / or spouse cheating. They gave all these tips as to what cheating looks like, and what behaviors to look for. I kind of laughed, but thought I better be safe and just look at his bill. This motivated me to look through the numbers on his bill (sadly his texts don't show number on the bill), what I found sickens me to this day. I found a phone number that had been called twice between 10:15 and 10:30 the night before. I had never seen this number before, it was the area code he was working in. Oddly, the night before he told me he went to bed at 8:30. I called the number. A girl picked up she said she was a bartender and my husband frequented this bar (I had no idea he didn't tell me). She said she knew that he only had a gf and he had no wife. She did not mention whether or not he was wearing his wedding band. She stated nothing had happened between them and that she was a lesbian in a serious relationship. She said he never went there to pick up on girls or anything.
I called him, freaking out, he said he couldn't remember calling her, and said nothing had happened. I asked him why he lied to me about going out, "I didn't want to hurt your feelings". I told him that I would never go out, alone, to a bar and call the bartender later that night. I told him he was setting himself up in a situation to cheat. I was in so much shock that he had not only been lying about going to bars and spending all the money we needed for bills, but had also lied about this girl. He had to work out of town for about a month after that. The anxiety killed me every night. I wondered if he was out at a bar, every single night. I cried myself to sleep with worry.
To this day this situation still bothers me. I left my husband, not for cheating, but for his alcoholism and him being abusive. For some reason I will never know the truth about what happened between him and this girl. I will never know if NOTHING happened or if there was some kind of relationship between them. I was THIS close to driving up there and going into that bar to confront her and get the truth. I feel as though I'm being paranoid, that she was lying to cover his tracks or something. Since that time I constantly felt lied to and I was suspicious. He told me he would never cheat on me and to give him a second chance. For some reason I want to know the truth about this but never will. I have no idea how to let go. I feel like from then on, trust couldn't be built back up on my part. I also felt as though he was deleting phone calls and texts. I have so many suspicions. I don't know if it was or is all in my head. Maybe he covered his tracks really well, or maybe he is just a really good liar. I'm not sure. How do you let go....