Living with husband and his girlfriend

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2009
Living with husband and his girlfriend
Tue, 04-28-2009 - 4:20pm
I am being forced to live with my spouse and his girlfriend. A little back story- he suggested that his friend move in since we had a spare room and needed the money. Long story short I found out that they are more than friends. I gave him an ultimatum either she moves out or I move out and we divorce. He said that he was a man of his word and he promised her a place to say. He said that he would not break his promise to her. So I decide to move out and take my paycheck with me. We agreed on an amicable divorce but he said I could not move because I am the bread winner and he did not have a job. He said that he would take me to court and get alimony which would amount to my entire pay. Our lease is up in september so I have to deal with it till then. He says that he wants us to be friends but he still wants me to check out with him if I go anywhere because he feels like he's still responsible for me. It all feels weird because they often gang up on me and say things to hurt my feelings. I'm on depression mess since I lost my baby so he always uses that against me and says that he will tell everyone I'm crazy and if I ever tried to hire an attorney he would go after me and take everything from me. I'm stuck in this situation and it sucks. Advice anyone?


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2009
Tue, 04-28-2009 - 4:30pm
Oh my gosh, sweetie...get out NOW!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Tue, 04-28-2009 - 4:52pm

Hi milgirl,

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2009
Tue, 04-28-2009 - 4:56pm
I would hire a lawyer but I cannot afford one. The law is on his side. He has not had a job since we have been married so I would owe him alimony. It sucks but I've called lawyers and they say that a judge would definitely order me to give him alimony until he gets a job and can afford to support him and his son.... And his girlfriend.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
Tue, 04-28-2009 - 4:58pm

Why would he "still want to be friends" when now he isn't acting like your friend OR your husband?

"If something cannot go on forever, it will stop."  Herb Stein

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2009
Tue, 04-28-2009 - 6:08pm

I apologize but I’ve read your posts here before. I’ve been on 2 antidepressants and to be honest with you people aren’t as heartless as you think. No one could possibly think you were crazy for leaving a man who is abusing you emotionally, using you, and cheating on you RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU. He is crazy for thinking he can get away with this and if you ARE crazy its for letting this continue and rob you of your dignity.

Your STBX is manipulating you into controlling you and the longer you let this continue the worse it will become because you will begin to believe it (and by your posts your starting to) I suggest not saying a word to either of them. Remove yourself from a situation where they “gang up on you”. Just because you live there does NOT mean you have to put up with crap…especially since you are the one paying. Whose name is the lease in BTW?

I really would stop being weak (although in your situation I understand how incredibly hard that may be) because the weaker you appear to be the happier they are. They just want to tear you down…what a joke.

You obviously are better then BOTH of them combined because you are living under your OWN roof that YOU are paying for and don’t have 5 kids in another state that you have abandoned. Also you have a JOB unlike your worthless husband. Why in the world would you allow yourself to be put down and belittle by such incompetent people who can barely sustain their own existence? Don’t you see the more they make you feel sad, lonely depressed and pressured to stay the longer they can live rent free, sleep with each other with no consequences, eat free food and have all the spare time in the world…ahhh what a luxury. Now that they see you wanting to leave they will pull out every insult possible for you to feel worth less….

What you need to do is ignore both of them like they don’t exist, research, research, research, the law to figure out what is your best option. And then LEAVE…

NO you aren’t wrong to feel that this woman should not be there, I don’t care how awful her situation is.

NO you aren’t crazy for feeling this way.

NO you are not crazy just because you are on medication for depression which THEY brought on.

I don’t know maybe I’m just ignorant but how is it possible that a judge would look at this matter and rule AGAINST you, even if they did get alimony from you eventually he’d have to get a job I doubt that the cheques would be enough to get by on considering he is now having you support him and her children

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2007
Tue, 04-28-2009 - 6:18pm

I know this is hard.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Wed, 04-29-2009 - 2:07am
There seems to be an epidemic of this kind of situation on the boards lately.


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2007
Wed, 04-29-2009 - 5:58am

That has to be the most god-awful thing I have ever heard of.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2009
Wed, 04-29-2009 - 6:55am

Dear Milgirl75

Get away from him as quickly as possible and don't look back. He doesn't care about your feelings why should you care about his. The

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2004
Wed, 04-29-2009 - 8:19am

If you really and truly want this to stop,

Go hire a lawyer. Afterall, you cannot know if you can afford one, until you try. So long as you are listening to him, and all his will feel stuck.

You posted last time,