Long and lengthy post

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2009
Long and lengthy post
3
Thu, 08-13-2009 - 1:04pm

So

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2008
Thu, 08-13-2009 - 1:27pm

Andy


There's something seriously wrong with your wife.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
Thu, 08-13-2009 - 3:29pm

You have to be strong for your child, you are absolutely right that you're the best parent for your daughter, she's lucky to have a dad that cares so much.

Margie

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2006
Thu, 08-13-2009 - 5:04pm

andy

i am so sorry that you find yourself here, i know the pain you are in and wish there was a remedy i could type that would take all of the hurt away.

first of all regarding your military status - do you really think that the best thing for you right now is to get out. with the economy and unemployment the way it is it could backfire on you. in the military you have the opportunity for a career, not to mention the benefits for your daughter. just a thought.

regarding your wife, well she has shown you who and what she is so believe her. nothing is going to change that.

5 years is a long time in any ones life, but it is better than 32 (my situation). you have the knowledge and fortitude that it is going to take to move on, give yourself time to heal, and begin a new. i know it may not seem like things will ever be ok again, it will.

betrayal hurts down to the bone. i know, i know. you wonder what the he** did i ever do to deserve this, nothing that is what. this is on her you did NOTHING to deserve what is happening yet it is a fact of life.

you need to love you and love your daughter in that order. your daughter will be looking to you for guidance in how to live her life. if she sees you living a life of despair and unhappiness then she will follow suit - so, it is important that you teach her that even though life gives us mountains to climb there are also far more beautiful green valleys with rivers running thru them to nourish us.

your best life now - it is a book written by joel osteen. yes, he is a the minister on tv, but if you have ever watched him he is not like any minister you have ever seen. i HIGHLY recommend that you buy and READ this book. yes, it can even help a macho military man like yourself.

andy, i bet i am old enough to be your mom. while i am a wise woman i am still here (not something i am proud of) - it is far better that it happened now than 5 or even 10 years from now.
you deserve happiness andy DO YOU BELIEVE THAT???? well, if you don't you should. but, it is up to you to stop looking in the rear view mirror and start looking out the front windshield. when we go thru life looking at what is back there we can never move on to the wonders in store for us.

often times when this happens to us all we can do is think about it. well, when you do that you get into a rut that becomes harder and harder to crawl out of.

this is about you, not her. you need to love yourself enough to move on and find happiness in all that you do. you need to take care of you.

TODAY, ANDY YOU NEED TO SIT DOWN AND WRITE OUT A PLAN - then follow that plan. eventhough there will be days you do not even want to get out of bed you must follow that plan.

oh, and don't forget to buy that book, it will help you in ways you can not imagine. it will seem to talk to you - it is as though the author is writing to you and about you.

we are here whenever you need to vent.