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| Wed, 02-04-2009 - 9:41am |
Hi there, I just found out(last week) that my husband had a fling with one of his employees back in Oct/Nov. I had been suspicious of something for months so I snooped constantly. I found one draft email to her and he confessed with this one bit of proof. He says they never went 'all the way' but how can I believe someone that has been lying to me for a long time about lots of things not just this. His explanation is that he 'bottomed out' because he's been so unhappy at his job and our move to a new state where we don't really know anyone or even like it here for that matter. He says this other woman constantly called him and nagged him. I know this is probably true because after he hired her she even called our house. She sounded very unstable and desperate. Why would my husband meet her after work? He had to fire her for suspicion of drug use and she just could not do the work. He had heard from other supervisors how horrible she was so he had to let her go. I just don't understand why he would jeopardize our marriage for this very desperate unstable woman? Its like he lost his mind. I cant wrap my brain around this choice he made. We have only been married a year, last week was our anniversary and now valentines day is coming. I should be happy on my 1st anniversary not starting from scratch and waking up in tears. My husband agreed to got to couples counseling and we have our first an appt. next week. I just cant understand his behavior. Does anyone understand this situation? Does this make any kind of sense to anyone?
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I just posted my story in response to another question, but here it is in a nutshell:
Glad I could help.
it will not make sense
he is messed up
he is not the man you wished he was
IF you stay with him use it as a way to get everything you ever wanted from the relationship (what a price to pay - what we wanted the most - truth and justice)
we are doing ok but it is VERY HARD
if we did not have a son I would not be here nor would he I am sure
immaturity
a character flaw
to be treated like a FOOL
it just hurts so damn bad that the ONE person you devote yourself to is not very observant of the things that really matter in life and is not very discriminating on who they share their bodily fluids with, nor who they expose your too
it is maddening
dday was two years ago and it still hurts like hell and reigns my brain
I know exactly how you feel. My DH had an A for 8 months with some skeezer who worked at a satilite office in a foreign country. I cannot for the life of me begin to understand how he could have done that with some low life woman for that long. It has been seven months since D-Day for us and although I do have to say that our marriage is even better than it was before the A, sometimes I look at this man whom I have known for over 15 years and wonder who the H3LL invaded his body for those 8 months.
I think the answer to surviving this kind of betrayal is finding a higher source to lean on and constantly communicating. Figure out how the A happen. What was he lacking, what was your M lacking which helped to create an environment for an A. Remember also that it is not your fault no matter what. Hold your H 100% responsible for sleeping with another woman. For months I totally blamed the OW and while I think that she is a tramp still, my DH could have said no to her the 100 times she asked him to sleep with her. He made the choice to bring the OW into our M and into our life. It is him that I blame for his indescretion. Some women are tramps like my DH ex-OW and your DH's, but it was our H who made the decision to risk our M and even our health for a quck lay with a slut.
Anyway, I know its hard to but you will make it through this.
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