Lost...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2014
Lost...
7
Mon, 05-12-2014 - 4:53pm

I am not exactly sure where to begin... I am not married but I have been with my boyfriend for almost six years and we just had our first child who is 2 months old.  I found out that while I was pregnant not only was he texting other women but he started a profile on a dating website.  He swears up and down that he never saw them in person and he could never physically cheat on me.  What he doesn't understand is that emotionally cheating is just as bad.  I was 6 months pregnant when it all started and it continued even after our son was born.  I am so lost and torn as to what to do.  Please help!! I want to be able to stay with him and work things out but I don't know how to get past all of this.

 

I don't have health insurance so I can't see a counselor, but I feel I am in need of one. Desperately.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Mon, 05-12-2014 - 11:53pm

I'm sorry this happened to you.  If you've been with him for six years, has he ever done anything like that before?  As you said, even if there was no contact, if he has a commitment to you, then he shouldn't be "just flirting", either.  Ask him how he'd feel if you'd done the same thing....I don't think he would accept that!   If you're sure this was the first time, then you need to talk to him and ask him WHY.  The two of you will have to discuss it and work it out.  If that's all it was, and he'd never done it before, then you should be able to get over it and work it out.   As for counseling, that's exactly what they'd tell you......discuss it, and work it out.  There are counseling services that charge little or nothing, according to your income.  Check with your governmental agencies.  You have a new baby, and you need to try very hard to get past this and be a happy and loving mother to your new baby.  You can't do that if you allow yourself to be "lost".  Even young babies can sense tension in Mommy, and it will transfer to them.  Talk to him and try to work it out.......good luck to you and your family.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2013
Tue, 05-13-2014 - 10:54am

He is already cheating on you? Move on. Once a cheater, always a cheater. It's never going to change; he will just get sneakier.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
In reply to: musiclover12
Tue, 05-13-2014 - 11:42am

Well I do not think it's true that if someone cheats once he will inevitably cheat again (and this guy supposedly has not cheated).  there are some people who are chronic cheaters and liars and marriage or a committed relationship means nothing--those people you can never trust.  then there are other people who make a mistake, are sorry about it and might not do it again.  My ex cheated on me, stopped it because he felt so guilty and never did it again--we did get divorced anyway a few years later but not due to cheating.  The looking for other people is a symptom of some problem in the relationship and the OP has to find out what that is and see if it can be solved.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2008
Wed, 05-14-2014 - 10:20pm
Girl: Am I pretty? Boy:No Girl: Do u even want to be with me forever? Boy: No Girl: Do u even like me? Boy: No Girl: Would u cry if i walked away? Boy: No She heard enough and was hurt... She walked away with tears in her eyes The boy grabbed her arm Boy: Your not pretty...your beautiful Boy: I dont want to be with u forever...I need to be with u forever Boy: I dont like u...I love u Boy: I wouldn't cry if u walked away......I would die if u walked away. Boy Whispers: Plz stay with me Girl: I will... *Tonight at midnight your true love will realize she/he loves u *Something good will happen to u at 1-4pm *Tomorrow it could be anywhere!!! *Get ready for the shock of your life! *If u dont post this to 5 other comments... You will have back luck in relationships for the next 10 years
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2008
Wed, 05-14-2014 - 10:26pm

I agree with music lover its not the problem but its what you are both willing to do about the problem. If he is open to working through it together. Can't hurt to see what happens. I know it will be hard but if you decide to work on the relationship you will have to let this go and move forward as a couple. Unless he gives you some concrete reason not to trust him again. Otherwise it won't work.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
In reply to: fissatore
Thu, 05-15-2014 - 1:10pm

Bad enough to get this junk in email......now here?  It has been reported as inappropriate!!!

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
In reply to: xxxs
Thu, 05-15-2014 - 4:13pm

  Total trust is an illusion.  Her insecurity is showing and may have shown for a while. 

dragowoman