Lost not sure where to turn......

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2010
Lost not sure where to turn......
3
Fri, 04-20-2012 - 3:01pm

I am a 44 year old woman I married my 2nd husband in Nov 2009, shortly after marrying him I found out he had been emailing a woman he had an affair with in his previous relationship, the emails were of a sexual nature. I also found out while we were dating he had went out with her a couple times after checking into it I found out he had not had a physical relationship while we were together and it stopped 6 mos before we were married but he didn't stop emailing her intil 2 mos prior to our marriage. I decided to try to forgive him, he treats me very well and has since the day we were married. We have had many battles over this woman she has harrassed and bothered me for the past 3 years to the point we moved and my husband retired she is 29 yrs younger then him. I thought my anger was in check and I had over come all of this but I was not feeling well and I went to my OB/GYN for a physical they did bloodwork and said I have stage 2 herpes I was devastated, I knew I got it from him because I was tested after my last marriage when I found out my ex cheated. I did not blow up I cried and I thought I let it go he said he didn't know he had it. I thought I was handling it pretty well until this morning, I received another email from that woman and I got upset when he asked what was wrong I told him and he said I needed to learn to let go, I said well I can always leave and you can go back to screwing skanky herpes infested woman and he said ik come here, I was devastated, I know he was angry but I find what he said unforgivable, after all he is the one that gave it to me, he apologized and said he wouldn't have said that if I didn't say what I said and that he was wrong. I just don't know what to do, I am so angry and frustrated and I feel so dirty inside. I am not sure how to get past this and move forward. Herpes is not a cold it lasts forever and it changes the way people look at you. I feel so lost all I want to do is cry.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2010
Sat, 04-21-2012 - 8:08pm

I am not sure what I am going to do yet, I am still very confused. My husband has given up all contact with this woman but she still continues to harrass me. I really thought he had changed until our last argument I just can't get what he said out of my head, he is the reason for all this and to say what he said to me is unforgivable. He keeps telling me he is sorry for what he said and he was just angry and he wants to keep moving forward, I know that I have been distant since we argued but what he said hurts and I just do not know how to handle it. It is nice to be able to come on here to vent and release what I am feeling inside. Maybe it will help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2011
Sat, 04-21-2012 - 12:43pm

Sandilee,

I am so sorry you're here and have experienced all this pain.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-1999
Fri, 04-20-2012 - 6:45pm
I don't know what to say to you. I am so sorry that he piotr you in this position. No one will look differently.at you because it is no one else's business. Unless you leave and ultimately find a new partner I can't imagine anyone needing to know. Hugs to you. I hope you are able to find peace soon.