lurker finally sharing my story

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2009
lurker finally sharing my story
6
Mon, 02-09-2009 - 8:26pm

Hello everyone! I've been checking out all of your posts now for a little over 2 months trying to get the courage, self enlightenment and understanding I need to finally share my story--hopefully my pain and anger have dissipated enough (for now anyway) to not get too emotional (i know, good luck,right?!) Anyway, here goes:


About me/us: We've been married a little over 4 years (together 6) and have 3 kids--5,almost 4,and 2 and I just found out I am pregnant w/#4 2 weeks ago (more about that later). Long story short, I've been on both ends of the spectrum. I was married when I met my husband--at work, go figure. My 1st marriage was totally and completely dead and after 10 days of ever looking at my now hubby "that way" I moved out and moved in with him. I know, I know--trust me that's a main reason why I blame myself for a lot of this fiasco.


Fast forward to now: My DDay was 11/8/08. I found a text by accident (really not too revealing of a text either but it said miss you and called him babe and asked what he was doing later that night) A fight followed with him claiming it was a wrong # text that struck up a conversation one night and just kept going. Said he'd never even talked to the person on the phone. Next morning, I searched his phone, found out that yes there were calls, she lived in our area code and--get this--a picture of his "manhood" that he tried to send but it didn't go through!! I took the phone upstairs threw it at him sleeping and told him to get out. (Go me!!) More fighting and more lies. He still claimed they never even met and even called her to get her to back up his story which she did. 2 days later--my gut told me there was more--he finally admits that she was his secretary (at a job he left in July) and they started talking again when he was looking to hire people for his new job (after a 2 month break).I actually forgave him!Our 4th anniversary was 11/13 and we renewed our vows and promised to start over. 2 days later (darn that gut of mine!) he finally (b/c things didn't add up to me and i wouldn't let it go) admits that he had sex with her--IN THE OFFICE-in June and then again in an undeveloped subdivision in September!! More fighting but trying to rebuild--says he became infatuated 1st time b/c she would just listen w/o judging him and then 2nd time it was all about sex.For more than 2 months i kept feeling there was more--i was obsessed w/phone records,bank statements,work reports (he's an in home salesman so he doesn't have set hours or anything).He actually had me believing i was going crazy searching for things that weren't there! Only 2 #s concerned me really, the OW and her best friend and his wife where he called her alot.


I decided to move forward and we were trying and succeeded to get pregnant. Then the doubts came back--more things didn't add up (for one thing I can't even see a picture of her b/c she doesn't exist anywhere in cyberspace!!!!) 4 days after finding out about new baby he fesses up. The # to he best friend had nothing to do with her--it was yet another woman!!! This one supposedly was met by wrong # text and he met her and her husband then her husband went overseas and he kept going over to her house to talk and hang out and drink (b/c he was too ASHAMED to come home to us!!) The last time he saw her she made a blatant pass at him and they did it.


I mostly believe I have the whole truth now but am so angry that he continued to lie for almost 3 more months!! He saw my pain and how hard I was working to rebuild us--but let me suffer!! I believe he is truly remorseful,ashamed, committed, transparent, you name it now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2007
Tue, 02-10-2009 - 10:21pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2009
Wed, 02-11-2009 - 8:41am

Bridget--


Thanks for replying (beginning to wonder if I was alone). You're right. The

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 02-11-2009 - 10:47am
Like Dr. Phil says, if they'll do it with you, they'll do it to you and you have found that out.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2007
Wed, 02-11-2009 - 10:50am

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2009
Wed, 02-11-2009 - 5:09pm

Bridget--


Thanks for sharing your story. It's funny how similar so many stories sound with just a few small details changed. You're right about how easy it is for anyone to lose their moral compass along the way--I had to learn my lesson the hard way (although even through all of this, I think I made the right choice for me) I know life's ups and downs had a lot to do with H's A as well. Since we've been together, I got severely ill just before my first pregnancy and stayed that way for over 3 years, my H almost died 3 yrs ago (Type 1 Diabetic who went DKA at an out of town conference), horribly long hours for bad pay

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2007
Wed, 02-11-2009 - 9:12pm