Male betrayed by his wife

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2012
Male betrayed by his wife
5
Fri, 04-13-2012 - 4:35pm

Not sure if this is the place for me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2012
Fri, 04-20-2012 - 9:45pm
I am a Year out and still get suspicious. That's natural. Up until December I would get overwhelmed if I over thought it and fall apart in tears. It's going to take a while and there's no way to predict how long, it's different for everyone. Forgiving is also a process not an instant act. To try to make me feel better my husband was sure to keep his phone unlocked and lying around so that I could check it whenever I felt the need. That was fine when he was home, I was more concerned about what he was doing on it when I wasn't around. I set things up to do some monitoring while he was away from the house and once I knew that he was keeping his word and not just telling me what I wanted to hear things improved a lot and I felt like we really made progress. Hope the counseling helps you start to heal.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2011
Sun, 04-15-2012 - 12:39am
Welcome, You definitely came to the right place everybody here is so helpful and can relate in different ways. I have been married for 8 yrs and my husband had an emotional affair with a customer, it would have been physical if she would have allowed it. For me I went through really rough patches and then I would feel some what ok and then something would trigger me and I would feel horrible all over again. What helped me was a book called Not Just Friends by Dr. Glass. You need to find out why it happened in the first place which is hard and sometimes a third party or counselor is needed. In my situation my husband has self esteem issues and was unemployed for a time which made his self esteem get even worse. Also our marriage had issues or I guess still does but it is getting better. Maybe your wife liked the attention and one thing led another. What is weird is I think it saved our marriage it was a wake up call and I was ignoring all of our issues. We went to counseling but I still have issues with trust but it is getting better. I wish you all of the luck in the hard road ahead, just know you are not alone. I personally hated the sleepless nights my mind would run wild.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-1999
Fri, 04-13-2012 - 10:50pm
For your brain to process it all and deal with out. Good luck
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-1999
Fri, 04-13-2012 - 10:49pm
Jmond

Welcome to the board. Please feel free.to seek your support here.
Unfortunately it takes a very VERY long time to heal. I am 15 months out and I am just now betting to having more good days than bad.
but I also think your healing time is dependent on how ur.spouse acts. Betrayal is just like a death. You will have multiple reactions. Sometimes in the same day. but it will take a while your brain
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2012
Fri, 04-13-2012 - 5:23pm

Hello, I am new here as well and I can say if you are dealing with an affair, you are in the right place. I cannot give you any advice at this point but I can say you will learn that there is no normal when dealing with an affair. Good luck in finding the answers you need.