may never know for sure if he cheated

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2008
may never know for sure if he cheated
6
Sat, 03-13-2010 - 6:24pm

I'v been married

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Sun, 03-14-2010 - 1:58am

I think it's back to more counseling.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2008
Sun, 03-14-2010 - 1:38pm

thanks for responding. You are definately right that I have always had trouble trusting after my ex cheated. In fact no matter what I will never trust my current husband 100%, but especially now after what I found out, see below...


Now I know the truth. (at least I hope it's the full truth) he told me last night that he had in fact contacted an escort service through craigslist. This was only just LAST WEEK! He emailed an escort who was advertised there and asked her what hours she worked. He SAYS he did this after we had an arguement last week, it was a very small arguement and it was basically me telling him that I needed a bit of time to myself for a few days. He said it really hurt his feelings and he emailed the escort to get a little pick me up, whatever the H that means!


I don't know if this is exactly true, but at least he's admitting a little bit to me. He knows I would definately have to leave him if I found out he actually cheated so I doubt he would come out and tell me the truth if that is the case.


Either way he has really

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2010
Tue, 03-16-2010 - 1:01pm

Hi and sorry to hear of your dilemma. I recently discovered my partner of 8 years placed an ad in the personals for discreet meets with strangers. This left me devastated and sick to my stomach. He has said and done pretty much the same as your husband has how he felt after an argument, falling to his knees.


I was advised by a very close friend to allow him with no interruptions to explain everything, so I did. I told him he had just 1 chance to be completely honest and tell me everything. I was not expecting the explanation I got. He explained that he was addicted to porn and he

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2009
Thu, 03-18-2010 - 5:50am

Nomoreforever,


I am truly sorry and want to tell you I know how you feel. There are a few things I'd like to answer for you, please don't be angry with me as my answers might be kind of brutally honnest, but I feel everyone has a right to know the truth.


He said (and I believed him) that when he met me, he completely stopped doing this.


Sadly, some men who see escorts call themselves as 'hobbiest'. Some men do have a strong dependency on porn, but it goes beyond watching pictures or movies online. They pay for sex and this becomes a hobby, like some like to read or play golf. I could give you links of where these 'hobbiests' gather and exchange infos on escorts and strippers, if you'd like to see

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2008
Thu, 03-18-2010 - 8:48pm

Thanks newlywed2009. I did look through his bank accounts and credit card statements. There WERE 2 instances in the last few years where he took out more money than he normally does. He explained why he did it. One of them was when I was out of town so that really scares me. I just will never know. If I could know for sure than I could leave him, but it's strange because I'm in limbo.

I did tell him that "when" I feel like being intimate again with him that I will continue to use condoms rather than go back on the pill.

We did go on Craigslist together and he showed me the ad that he responded to. It was for a "massage". There were some horrible ads on there with pictures and really crude and not at all attractive or clean. How am I to know which one he really applied to, or what his intentions were.

How do I get over this? How can I trust him again?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2009
Fri, 03-19-2010 - 10:08am

Unfortunately you will never know for sure what he did in the past. You can take actions to ensure you will know for the future, but yes, it does involve snooping. I guess it depends how comfortable you are with these ideas.


I've been betrayed by one of my ex who was constantly seeing escorts myself. My now husband knows I do not tolerate either strippers, escorts, or these massage places (massage... like they actually really do scratch their client's back. Whatever.)


Just yesterday we were in the car and he told me